CARRIE MAE WEEMS We’re piling on omega-3 fatty acids for this venerated Portland-born photographer. This fall, Weems won a prestigious $625,000 MacArthur Fellowship—the so-called “genius grant”—for work exploring the identities of women and African Americans. Carrie Mae, while you’re eating your broccoli and sardines, can you check out our Instagram feed? We think it has potential.

JUN SUK KANGA side of local kimchi for this youthful Korean businessman, who took over Portland-founded Nau after Seoul’s Black Ya bought the sustainable apparel brand. Jun, our two cultures can bond over fermented delights!

TIM BOYLE The dress code will be all fleece in honor of Columbia Sportswear’s chief executive, who made headlines this fall when he endorsed Oregon’s 2014 same-sex marriage ballot initiative. We love a guy willing to take a public stand, Tim. Can we interest you in  our petition for Cascadian secession?

JOHN COLBY A retired Multnomah County prosecutor, this 66-year-old adventurer completed a seven-year journey around the world on a 42-foot sailboat, surviving storms, cannibals, and prostate cancer. Yikes! John, please tell us you at least scored some exotic rum? 

RONALD McDONALD We loaded up on Big Macs in honor of the Trail Blazers’ newest signing, a 50-year-old free agent (height unknown) arriving on a five-year, multimillion-dollar deal to give away coupons for free Sausage Egg McMuffins whenever the team hits 100 points. Ronnie, we’ll promise to chant “MICK-E-DEES! MICK-E-DEES!” if you promise to throw in some Pepto Bismol.