CRIME

Ten meteorites were stolen from a Portland State University scientist’s truck: the most cool/useless thing anyone could steal.

WEATHER

Predictions that the strongest El Niño (Spanish for “The Niño”) in decades is on its way will allow Oregonians to explain thousands of unrelated events. 

REAL ESTATE

Surely, the unused $58 million, 525-bed WapatoJail in St. Johns that Multnomah County is now selling would make the greatest McMenamins ever. 

CELEBRITY

Eyewitness accounts of John Malkovich working the treadmill at a local gym remind us that being JohnMalkovich isn’t easy. 

#SEXIERTHANPUTIN

Gov. John Kitzhaber was fully clothed when he pulled over his motorcade to give an unconscious woman CPR (and save her life)—but in our minds he was shirtless and oiled up.