Pickup Schtick
Singles coach Alma Rubenstein knows dating. Portland apparently does not
I have a nice ass.
At least that’s what Alma Avery Rubenstein, professional dating coach, tells me when she makes me stand up—mortified—in Sip & Kranz Café and Wine Bar so she can give me a thorough once-over. “Your skirt could be tighter,” she says. And I need to stand straighter. “You want to project an attitude that says, ‘Check me out.’”
Clearly, “tactful” is not a word you’d find in a personal ad for Rubenstein. But “nervy” is. For the past six years, the petite 40-year-old—who has appeared on The Bachelor and Blind Date—has run a professional dating business in Seattle, making a living out of telling people what they’re doing wrong (and right) when it comes to love: too much nose hair, too little cleavage, way too much cologne. Rubenstein personally meets and screens every potential participant for her speed-dating sessions. After all, when your reputation is on the line, you don’t want Johnny Close-Talker showing up.
“I want to ensure quality,” Rubenstein says. “Meaning, I want to weed out the crazies.”
Now the sharp-tongued brunette has relocated her advice to Portland, where she’s running standing-room-only speed-dating parties and flirting classes (pdxspeeddating.com) at Bridgeport Brewpub, Candy, and Fenouil. So far, Rubenstein hasn’t been wowed by the state of our singles scene, despite its potential. While we have no shortage of people on the hunt—according to the US Census Bureau, nearly 60 percent of Portlanders are unmarried—she is frustrated by the collective lack of initiative. She hasn’t heard one good pickup line in the nine months she’s been here.
“Women could walk around naked in this city and not get noticed,” Rubenstein says.
But it’s not all the fault of those Portlanders with Y chromosomes. She notes that women here seem to be petrified of rejection, too. And, a few minutes into our $125-per-hour, one-on-one lesson in flirting, she’s deduced that I am Exhibit A. So she gives me homework: I have a week to give my phone number to three men. All in a night’s work for some, perhaps, but for a woman whose own mother had to actually pay her to go out on a date, it’s excruciating.
For six days, I roam Safeway, scour the gym, and eye men in cafés. But the best I can manage is a quasi-flirtation with a Pizza Hut delivery guy in the elevator.
“Typically Portland,” Rubenstein scolds at our next lesson. “If you want to make changes in your life, you have to do something different.”
So we head to Jamison Square for some training: role-playing. She plays the man. “Nice shoes,” is the best line I can muster. The master sighs, then takes over my role.
“Here,” she says, handing me her business card. “I think you dropped this.”
Published: December 2009
i love the article!!!!!! i love the title and thanks so much!!! i have already got tons of calls and emails. i was even asked if i could have a singles column.
alma has incredibly hot legs! i like them :)
I met with Alma and she was great. She gave me the advice I needed to hear. I signed up for her event this past Monday night and I had 4 matches with really great guys. I would of never have found out about her had I not seen the article.
I was impressed with the article and it’s nice to see women pushing fashion, confidence and style.
I am from New York and was skeptical but the women she attracted to her event were of amazing quality women. Beautiful and smart.
Steven
I was grocery shopping in the frozen food section, when I noticed this woman staring at me. When I looked her way, she kind of turned and acted like she was busy scanning the selections. I kind of inched her way and said “I know how to make potatoes if you know how to fry pork chops.” I swear her laugh was all I needed, but she said “you’ll have to try that line on a single girl, I was just checking your butt out.” Dang! All the good ones are taken…
alma is awesome and really knows her stuff!!
Beware of Alma and her ‘matchmaking’. All she’s capable of is swindling you out of lot of cash!
Poor Nick ( from the Dec. 14th comment ) …. I have worked with Alma and am very glad to see her doing so well. I have seen her work magic with some tough clients. Happy Holidays Alma. We in Seattle will miss you.
Ladies and Gents, Alma knows one thing: being aware and open-minded will allow you to take advantage of opportunities are key to meeting someone you really want to be with. (OK, that’s two things.) Take heed, Portland!!!
nothing like getting advice on meeting quality people from a serial dater…take her advice, and you’ll learn how to be single for the rest of your life.
She is not a serial dater, she has been asked 3 times to get married , they just were not the right ones. I have known her for years. There is nothing wrong with dating until you find the right one. She has had many long term relationships. People go to her for many reasons. Some want to find true love and some just want a better social life. I am getting married on March 23 with somone Alma introduced me to. Maybe you should call her as it sounds like maybe you need some help. Or maybe you dated her and she didnt want to marry you. There is hope for you whatever.
Nice Lady very outgoing. She knows her stuff. She is like the movie Hitch—- except she is better looking then Will Smith.
I was downtown Portland the other day and she was shooting a DVD for her business. She was really cool and I even got some free dating advice. She was very personable and warm.
Jerry
Just found this article online and I agree totally with the consensus of Portland – in many cases, men- (sorry…but true) lacking initiative. More articles like this and more people like Alma willing to shake things up will encourage all of us to engage in more “risky,” yet sincere face-to-face connections which are ultimately more satisfying than meeting people via on-line dating.
Rubbish! I have lived in Portland a for 14 moths and have asked out 8 different girls and 6 had boyfriends or multiple boyfriends and the other 2 were just mean in their rejection – not saying a simple no, thanks, but lines like, “I’ll get back to you next week on that.” Lame. I’m going to sell shirts that say, I hate your boyfriend.