SHOP TALK

Hey leg!! Get back in that dress where you belong, you weren’t invited to the Oscars she was.

P.S You look ridiculous

Sandy no!!! It looks like a beaded octopus is sending its tentacles to grab your mid-section. Does that sound like a good idea? No, no it doesn’t.

Do you think Kristen Wiig is secretly buying stock in nude fabrics? That’s the only reason I can think of why she keeps wearing this color.

Oscar-ette?

I love this Gucci dress. And as for the haircut…uh…. I love the dress.

Carolina Herrera decided to exclusively dress one actress this year for the Oscars. It seems like if you only had to make one dress you could put a little effort into spicing it up a bit…

The fashion version of the Coppertone Girl!

It’s official. After you’ve been nominated for more than 15 Oscars you can say “to hell with it” and just come in your gold lamé bathrobe. More power to you Meryl.

For the record: Dressing like a closed umbrella is inadvisable.

UH OH!!!!! Emma Stone looked A-MAZ-ING in her Giambasti Valli gown, but was it because she went dumpster diving at Nicole Kidman’s house?

Do you think once your lucky enough to marry Colin Firth (aka Mr. Darcy) you just give up on finding a dress that properly fits in the bodice? I probably would too.

Captain Von Trapp looks as good today as he did in 1965’s The Sound of Music. If you don’t feel the same way I will blow my shrill whistle 4 blasts in your direction.

Natalie’s sporting a vintage 50’s Dior and looks like a regal Queen of Hearts.

Bazam!! Judy Greer says so long being cast as the “girl next door” and hello leading lady awesomeness.

Some random observations:
Hair styles probably shouldn’t conjure up the picture of Olive Oil’s ponytail.
Dresses that make a rockin’ bod look saggy are a bad choice.

I think her hair is trying to jump ship.

Nancy O’Dell just signed an endorsement deal to represent school buses…. and crafting supplies.

Hmmmmmm the phrase too much of a good thing comes to mind.

I almost like this dress. If only she hadn’t let Kristen Wiig pick the color.

Proof Gary Oldman is rad: He and his hot wife show up looking like super movie stars and he’s one of the greatest actors of all time.

A. I would like to remind everyone this woman just had a baby like 6 months ago and looks adorable.
B. That color looks so good on stage so ignore the carpet clashing!

I’m so glad you guys are showing off the word I was thinking about you.

Some people were hating on Glenn’s kind of bitchy 80’s power outfit, but I sort of love something about it. Like she showed up at the Oscars to fire everyone there and then present every award herself. As always this could be my intense fear of Fatal Attraction talking.

Best Dressed Man Alert! Hey Bret McKenzie, if you dress like that you can take me on your Flight of the Conchords whenever you want.

I said 4 times that this guy looked like Nick Nolte’s older brother before a friend gently pointed out that this was Nick Nolte.

Oops.

Pretty, pretty. Hugging all the right curves while shining like a star! (Plus the best acceptance speech of the night)

Meow Catwoman!!

Do you think she’s regretting that tattoo? It’s hard to class it up….

File this under problem for millionaires: When you can’t get your bow tie to hang straight.

Little House on the Prairie meets red carpet.

Probably not a winning idea.

As a woman who also struggles with the big head, small neck problem I feel comfortable saying this hair is not a flattering idea. And it distracts from the exquisite beading.

Write this down in the calendar book ladies and gents. I officially have no opinion. I don’t love it enough to praise it and I don’t hate it enough to get sassy. It is the vanilla ice cream of dresses.

So what if it kind of looks like she has a massive bra strap hanging off her shoulder? I LOVE this look.

Just how every woman wants to dress. Take an unflattering tube dress and put it over an unflattering sequin grandma blouse. (sarcasm overload)

I’m trying to think of what kind of emergency requires someone to leave a spa before they could finish taking their mud mask off and then head straight to a red carpet event.

I can’t think of one.

It’s official!! Katy Perry has left her pop career behind to become a regular on Fraggle Rock!

Wait a minute…. Did Madge think that she was supposed to perform and play in the Superbowl? She’s got her little catching gloves on and kind of faux work out pants. Someone should have spelled that out a little more clearly.

with Katherine Heigl’s movie career not going as expected she’s been forced to take a second job as an elegant referee.

Dear Rachel,

Underneath all that really intense make-up that triggered an internal reference to The Joker, you are really pretty.

Love, Eden

I’m terrified Madonna has the power to actually come after me if I say anything too snarky, but it’s clear the botom of her dress is making its way north to try and swallow her whole. And I don’t think the big cross is going to help.

Hey Buffy!! Someone should have (vampire) slayed this dress. And FYI, we’re big on repurposing items here, but tie-dying your wedding dress is going a little far.

I hate this dress so much I would rather be forced to get a root canal from an 8-year-old playing dentist than have to look at it again. The root canal just sounds less painful.

I’m kind of into the modern colorblocked column dress Claire Danes is sporting. But, just an observation here, red lips and blue eye shadow is the same look I tried to pull off in the 6th grade. My mom told me it wasn’t “ladylike,” I see her point.

Something about this look is so fierce I am actually afraid to stare at it directly too long. It’s like looking straight at the sun! Translation: Not boring.

I think I love this dress. I say think because I’m sort of distracted by the body building poses and can’t be sure.

A perfectly fine dress for a normal occasion, I forgot it the second it left the carpet at the Globes. Probably not the impression she was going for.

Nicole Richie has come a long way from tacky outfits as Paris Hilton’s side kick. The 60’s silver pop singer nod is working.

Melissa! I usually think you have pretty good taste but the color of this dress is so drab. And that green against the red carpet is far too Christmasy for anyone’s liking.

Modern Glamorous Family! Love the intricate texture.

If I can look as good in my early 30’s as Diane Lane does in her late 40’s, I’ll call my time on this world a success.

Thanks for giving me a goal Diane.

I once (literally) bumped into Zooey Deschanel at a wedding of a mutual friend and in person she is g-or-geous. However, the Deschanel sisters need to rethink these outfits stat. It appears Emily raided Designing Women’s leftover costume department and Zooey’s hair stylist stole a wig from one of The Supreme’s. I think we can do better girls!

On a separate note: Someone remind me to pick up some Hefty bags on the way home. I’m out.

Does Salma Hayek ever age? She always looks amazing. Not in love with the hair, but her shiny dress is all kinds of fun.

Like her, hate her, don’t know who she is, you cannot argue that this is red carpet at its best. She looks flawless and I will happily arm wrestle anyone who disagrees.

We finally found out what happened to Joey after he left Friends, he devoted his life to dressing like a grape.

(looking through my Thesaurus for another word for “Meh,” I’ll get back to you)

In a world of uncertainty, I can always count on Mila. Thanks lady.

Fun Fact: Natalie Portman had a hard time getting a sitter for her newborn baby so she got a dress that actually fit over a small stroller and brought the tyke along.

Hugh Hefner sent Ricky Gervais one of his suits to wear for the evening.

yyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn….

Ignore the Wonder Woman pose for a minute and Reese looked killer in this dress.

I once ruined my hair trying to get the same shade as Kate Winslet in Titanic. I don’t think I would go to such extremes to ever replicate this look.

An amazing feature to this dress is that she can subtly dust the room as she mingles.

For a minute I was on the fence about Emma Stone’s dress. Then I saw she had a massive eagle belt. BAM! Now it’s rad.

Ok Miss Biel we get it. You got engaged to Justin Timberlake over the holidays, but showing at the Golden Globes in one of your potential wedding dresses is not the best way to show off. (Bridezilla)

She’s wearing the other wedding dress Jessica Biel is considering. (I told you…Bridezilla!)

Miss Maya’s Rudolph dress is in the “safe” (read so-so) zone, but take a look at her make up. Pretty, pretty!

Leo,

Your lapels may be large, but you’re still a hunk.

No Tina!! One of my most favorite smart, funny, lovely women in the world dressed in an ensemble that secretly has a tag inside that says “will make you appear two feet shorter and wider” than you are. Gotta read the fine print on these things…

That is the exact color of my bicycle helmet. Just sayin….

Though it does look a little like she was dressed by a stylist from The Emerald City on her way to see the Wizard of Oz, I think it’s super flattering and this dress would look good in an array of colors.

Channeling Princess Grace is never a bad thing. (write that down)

Whoa! The Girl with a Dragon Tattoo star that always wears edgy black looks wore an edgy black look! Stop the presses.

Pros: Unlike anything else, lots of visual interest, demands attention.
Cons: Unlike anything else, lots of visual interest, demands attention.

I feel very strongly that this should have sleeves, at least little ones. I think you know I’m right.

As I live and breathe it is a full peacock dress. And because that’s almost as good as putting a bird on it, I give it a super high thumbs up followed by a wink.

Since I am both a crazy Amy Poehler fan and also not usually onboard with her style choices, I deem this dress a massive success. Yay team!

I don’t see a sash that says Miss California Sunshine, but I’m sure there is one.

I love this. I’m going to start dressing like this everywhere I go. It may pose a problem for lines at the post office or grocery store, but it’s worth the risk.

This looks very conservative politician’s wife. I’ll let you decide if that’s a good thing. (p.s. it’s not)

Oh hey Heidi! Thanks for breezing off your tropical vacation or yacht or wherever that outfit is appropriate because it ain’t here.

Nude done right! Beautiful. (for nude done wrong, see Heidi Klum)

I am surprising myself and kind of getting into this dress. Just sit with it a few moments before you make a decision.

Another (amazing) figure hugging dress with blinged out jewels and hair swept to the side. I feel a big ol’ wave of deja vu coming on right now.

Oh Alanis, your Jagged Little Pill album got me through my early adolescence and healthy aggression towards teen boys, but I still can’t say I love the sheer asymmetrical hemline or messy bangs. Thanks for the free therapy though!

The fitted blazer is a swanky touch, but let’s get some jeans that fit in a way that doesn’t resemble sagging tights.

I don’t want to point any fingers, but I’m pretty sure I saw that dress in the window at Forever 21.

Ahh put this little number at a cute garden party or beach bash in the summer an I am on board! At an awards show in November? Eh, not so much.

Normally I’d say Rainbow Brite is the only girl I approve of with a side pony tale. Miss Swift here knocks that theory on its butt though with her glittery gold shimmery look. Approve!

Ah yes, J. Lo in her other, other outfit. This one still involves nude netting and showing off a lot. I think I see a trend.

I can’t believe I’m going to endorse a Nicki Minaj, but I’ll say this. Of all her quirky outfits she’s sported, this one kind of appeals to me.

And…. I’m back to hating the outfits.

This is why I believe in photographing yourself in potential fancy outfits. Cute girl in a dress that seems dead set on making her appear two sizes larger than she is. Bad dress, bad!

Sort of going for an ""I’m a vampire extra from one of the Twilight movies" = I don’t hate it.

When did Justin Bieber join the space program?

Just so I don’t sound like a Debbie Downer, I think Katy Perry is super gorgeous. That being said, I hate, hate, HATE this look from head to toe. It’s like a 1940’s dare coupled with a weird Judy Jetson fantasy gone bad. My eyes hurt.

When the Tin Man sees the great Wizard he is going to ask for a heart.

If I could hop in my Back to the Future time machine and fix one thing…it would be the tragic, unflattering hemline of this dress. 3 inches up people!! Oh and a much taller shoe.

Question: How much did David’s Bridal pay Cheryl Hines to wear an item from their bridesmaid collection?

Though I’m usually not a fan of the seat-belt-over-the-midriff look or purposeful gray hair on a young person, I think little Ellie Goulding here comes off fairly adorable. Looks like you can teach an old dog new tricks!

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: I am of the belief things hanging betwixt the legs are not a good statement. It’s an ethical standpoint.

I want to like this laser cut dress on Miss Klum, but it’s just not happening. It’s like a date with the guy who everyone loves and you just aren’t that into.

Doesn’t matter what’s happening here, I can’t get over the Bride of Frankenstein ‘do on the left. It’s mesmerizing.

Love the hair and make up! And almost like the dress, but to quote Nina Garcia from a Project Runway episode this year, “I hate cowls.”

John Legend is like a cold glass of ice water for the person crawling through a dry desert with the sun pounding down. Thanks for the relief John, keep up the good work.

Julie Bowen said to herself, “You know, I’m going to just wear an oversized Golden Girls type sweater and call it a day.” Then I said, “That’s not a half bad idea with those legs, but fancy up the hair.”

To quote Lil John: “WHAAAATTTTT!!!!!!”

Mary J. Blige officially endorses Snookie’s new line of Jersey Shore animal print ensembles. We do not.

Speaking of….

Uhhh, who is Phoebe Price and why did someone force her to wear this? Is it some form of hazing?

These two look tres chic. It does seem a little much for a 19 year old to pull off that dress, but I can’t say no.

White LA looking mini dress in November? Not making my fancy list. And I thought throughout the entire red carpet show this was Brooke Burke, for the record, it is not.

When Project Runway gets canceled at some point in the future they will run this pic of Heidi Klum next to the announcement with a caption that says, “The Day Klum Lost Her Fashion Klout.”

Mark my words.

I’ve got nothing bad to say. Stiles is making me smiles.

I thought Joel McHale’s shows were doing really well? Why is he waiting tables on the side?

Work that ombre Ms Wiig.

The next time you hear someone refer to jealousy as “The Green Eyed Monster” feel free to attach this dress to that image. Yikes.

Do you think she watched Austin Powers: Goldmember and felt inspired?

Who knew sullen April Ludgate from Parks and Rec was actually a S-T-U-N-N-I-N-G beauty with good taste? I love surprises.

Two of the funniest people on the entire planet. That’s all I am going to say.

I attempted to dye my hair red to match her ’do in Titanic because Kate Winslet is my constant. Thanks for always looking good, Kate.

Christina Hendricks of Mad Men looks gorgeous and glowing. But can we sew that slit up? It looks a little more like a rip than a design detail….

Gwyneth Paltrow BARE-ly covered her body in this belly flop. We know you’ve got killer abs Gwyny, we don’t need to visually ID them.

Anyone remember the days of Kelly Osbourne in ratty tees and baggy jeans? Obviously those days are long gone. The svelte star looks jaw droppingly amazing in her J. Mendel gown with a hint of lavender in her locks. Take that haters!

Elizabeth Moss/Peggy from Mad Men gets an A for effort but an overall swing and a miss. I think it’s the hair? Something isn’t coming together here. Although, that dress fits her perfectly.

Is Lea Michelle starring in a remake of Dynasty? Those bitchy 80’s shoulder pads lead me to believe yes.

I dare you to look at Marty Scorcese and not find him adorable. See? Can’t be done.

Old Hollywood glamor from the neck down. But a check up from the neck up reveals the same ponytail she had in her high school cheerleading pic.

Sofia Vergara might need to start carrying a concealed weapons permit….because those curves are killer.

Melissa McCarthy, the giggle inducer from Bridesmaids picked the perfect royal color for this queen of comedy.

Straight up I’ll tell you Paula, you look good.

Alan Cumming’s pants were trying to get noticed by a producer or two in hopes of geting their own reality show.

A shimmering blue sequin puzzle piece of cool.

Conan O’Brien and his wife pull a total power couple ensemble. But she looks a little more cocktail dress than red carpet dress no? And Conan, bring back the beard!!

Things I know: I think Jane Lynch is awesome. I think this dress is also pretty awesome.

Things I feel confused about: Jane Lynch in this dress.

Whoasers. If we ever get tired of people just wearing all silver to represent the space age future in movies, this can be the new trend.

Dear Tina Fey,

Pant suits aren’t that funny (or always flattering). But you are and I like you.

Bazam! Now that is how you dress as a grown woman. She looks fierce enough for Tyra Banks to call her fierce….

Perhaps Jersey Shore’s Deena is the new spokeswoman for Skittles? And bronzer? And hair extensions? And Wet & Wild make up?

One of the best dressed of the night was Emma Roberts. Obviously it’s because her fancy aunt Julia Roberts told her to “keep it classy.”

Lady Gaga came dressed as a cross between Danny Zuko from Grease and David Bowie.

Beyonce announced on the red carpet she is pregnant with her first baby. And then put all other pregnant poses to shame. Looking good!

Zoe Saldana was probably running late on her way out the door and accidentally grabbed the wrong pair of shoes. She looks good anyway, so we’ll let it slide.

If you’re gonna go that sparkly, you better have the Jazz Hands to back it up.

Kelly Rowland comes straight from the set of “Skating with the Stars.”

Cotton candy club kid with just a hint of geisha. I think that sums this up pretty well

I’m going to be the grump curmudgeon in the room and just say it. No, this is not coming off as innovative fashion forward, it just looks flat out ridiculous. Although, I would’ve killed to wear this circa 1983….

I thought the vampire craze was over?

A welcome relief from the glitter parade. Unbutton your jacket Paul Rudd, we want you to sit and stay awhile.

Hey!! I think she stole that fabric from my grandma’s throw pillows. Give them back Miley!

I’m not saying nothin.

Brit’s come a long way since the shaved head fiasco days. From the neck up we give a thumb up, but everything from the neck down looks like a rerun of her closet from ten years ago.

Those red low slung overly crotch-y pants can officially cure any case of Bieber Fever.

Adele kept it pretty muted for the VMA’s but at least her dress is tasteful. And although I am a huge fan of big hair, I think this might get a touch into the helmet area….

Question: Who is Kreayshawn and why did color upchuck on her?

I was raised in a home where we learned it’s always a bad idea to have things swinging from your groin area.

Thanks Mom.

As if you didn’t get enough Katy Perry already! Here is her outfit for the after-party. Uh-huh. Just take it allllll in.

The Backstreet Boys sure are working on a new image.

And best dressed might go to a guy this year! Looking real nice Mr. Wentz.

Nicki Minaj heard that MTV was on the “boob tube” and got inspired.

Pretty good there Rosie. She followed the cardinal animal print rule, if you go wild print, keep the accessories minimal.

Emma Stone is back as a red head and with a little wild side to boot! I likey.

Kristen Stewart kind of always wears a mini glittery dress. It doesn’t look bad, but I’m more over it than I am headbands. (And I am so over headbands)

Oh how I have come to rely on 15 year old Hailee Steinfeld. So chic, so adorable, double air kiss for you.

Whoa. Where do we begin? The shoes don’t match the incredibly uncomfortable looking body-con dress. The legs tan doesn’t match the upper body and the purse doesn’t match anything. If a stylist did this to you Amanda Bynes, fire her immediately. If you did this to yourself, same advice applies.

Nina Dobrev wearing a series of oddly placed bow ties. Ni-NO!

Emma Watson looks like she actually got up and thought, “What is appropriate to wear on a red carpet?”

Thanks Hermoine, I love you.

Reese Witherspoon looking cute y’all! But oh, how do I want to run up and give her a quick swipe of red lipstick.

Jessica Szohr in a medical inspired performance art piece entitled, “Look at my ovaries!”

Even if your adorable and rich, you still need to iron your skirt Miss Gomez.

My cat clawed up my favorite dress too once time. Crying shame…

Cute, cute. But the Country Music Awards were down the street.

Blake Lively is a gorgeous girl, but I’m picking up a distinct wrestler vibe here. Anyone else?

This a romper that is red carpet ready. To pull off this short-shorts look you’re legs have to be sky high.

Fishing lure fashion.

Ignore the dramatic gusts of wind and I think this superhero-esque outfit may have some potential.

Little sister to Dakota, Elle Fanning looks age appropriate and adorable in her romper and wedges combo. It’s not quite red carpet territory for me though. Let’s add some glitter!

Pint-sized beauty Lil’ Mama is actually rocking this Barbie look pretty well.

Love the dress and copper accessories, but the Dolly Parton inspired hair takes the Grecian glamour into “It’s all Greek to me” territory.

Elizabeth Reaser in Mehhhhhhhhhhhh.

Wow. I just don’t….. I can’t think of….. I don’t want a phone thrown at…. Just, wow.

Rhianna’s braid is racing the train of her Stella McCartney. I don’t think it will win.

Beyonce in Emilio Pucci and Jay-Z in handsomeness. Totally not my style and yet I still think it’s all come together very nicely. Kudos!

Hmmmmmmmmm. Almost??

I literally yawned when I saw this dress. I bet the construction is superb, but a yawn ain’t ever a good sign.

It was so sweet of Madame Tussauds Wax Museum to send a replica of J.Lo in a drop dead gorgeous dress with an awkward additional feather shrug.

Kanye West and designer Tori Burch looking good! But if given the styling chance I would snag those earrings away mach schnell!

A magical Spider Queen spun this fairytale dress out of webs and then convinced her that women in their 30’s should wear headbands like that.

Obviously the only explanation for this dress is that Lucy Liu is starring in a remake of Dynasty, was running late and had to wear her costume to the ball and on the way tripped and fell into a pile of glue, right before being attacked by a large black chicken. That’s going to be my coping mechanism for this.

Her Madge-sty has gone through more bad fashion moments than boyfriends. But she is killing it in this Stella McCartney dress. Three snaps in a Z formation.

Alright Mirander Kerr, you may have stolen Legolas from me, but you wore one of Natalie Portman’s Black Swan costumes to a ball. I guess none of us is perfect.

Ashley Olsen took her vintage Dior dress and added HUGE pieces of Saltwater Taffy to the sleeves! There often isn’t snacks at fashion galas, so it’s really a good way to prep for the evening.

If you stare at her mid-section do you kind of see the grumpy kitty face the pleats make too? Just me being a crazy cat lady? Not the first time.

Daphne Guinness (heiress to the dark beer) got feathered up by Sarah Burton, the new captain at Alexander McQueen. Now before you make the predictable Vegas showgirl, ostrich trying to escape, looks like human reincarnation of a pillow fight or “when craft projects go wrong” kind of comment I would like to say this. It isn’t boring. And I think McQueen would have loved it.

Taylor Swift in this dress reminds me of my feelings about Ashton Kutcher. The first time I saw it I thought it was cute, the more it’s around the cuteness wore off into an unsure phase and eventually slid into a “it’s just not working for me buddy, thanks for trying” kind of phase.

The eagle has landed! Miss Anna Wintour herself in Chanel. Anna has eyes and ears everywhere simultaneously so all I will say is: sparkly.

Gisele in Alexander McQueen. I would like to find something snarky to say because I am jealous of her tan, body and money (my hair is just as nice), but I can’t. She’s working it!

Ginnifer Goodwin officially goes from playing the girl next door (or 3rd polygamist Big Love wife) to being center stage emerald goddess. LOVE it! If you don’t I challenge you to an arm wrestling contest.

Diane Kruger has had a lot of fashion FAIL’s in my eyes, but this Jason Wu number is flawless. As long as I avoid watching National Treasure ever again I think we’re cool.

Former Portlander Esperanza Spalding did our city proud last night. She unexpectedly won the Best New Artist Grammy and looked pretty fierce in her frilly chartreuse gown. (I question the shoe color a bit, but hey Pdx-er to Pdx-er we’ll let it slide.)

Diaper pants? No, no, no…..

Usher, you know better than this. I know you do.

I get that this is “a look” he is going for. I don’t really like it personally, but at least it’s complete.

Lots of people hated this dress. I think it’s pretty. Am I getting soft?

Ohhhh shoot, no one told Nicki Minaj that Michelle Pfeiffer was cast as Catwoman years ago and the role is off the table. Someone get her that memo.

Ricky Martin must be vying for Mayor of Tight Pants Town. Good luck with the election!

I’ve said don’t (exactly) match your eyeshadow to your outfit, but I’ve never had to say don’t match your skirt to your hair color. Well, there is a first time for everything. Here goes, Don’t match your skirt to your hair color.

No clue who this is, who the designer is or what’s happening here. Put it on the front of a magazine for an amazing editorial piece, but not the red carpet.

I actually think Lil Wayne looks very dapper. It’s a little casual for the affair, but considering the other fashion felonies going on I’ll take it.

What the hell is going on? Wings? A Saran Wrap skirt? I can’t even make a joke, just take it all in.

Nailed it!

Rihanna,

You are gorgeous and talented. You do not have to show your Hoo-Ha to make friends.

I know Will Smith’s daughter is like 10, so I will be very kind and just say this: Awards ceremonies are not necessarily costume parties.

Why is Kim Kardashian at the Grammy’s? And why is she wearing something so unflattering? Some questions have no answers.

John Mayer is working on a fall back career – Johnny Depp impersonator.

Tribute to Bjork’s swan dress? I think so. Something about it is kind of pretty in an odd way. Not the best, not the worst.

I’m just going to say it. Does she look fantastic? Yes. Do I think that over the age of 40 that hemline should start coming down? Yes.

I love designer Emilio Pucci, but I feel like this leans towards a swimsuit cover up, not a gown.

Goal: Dress exactly like a Creamsicle.
Mission = Accomplished!

Previously unpublished lyric: “Girls just want to have fun in bondage inspired leather mullet dresses.”

Kings of Leon expressed their Southern manners by dressing appropriately!

Sticking your finger in an electrical outlet is not an FDA approved way to do your hair.

Love that purple floaty frou frou-ness. It begs for a different hairstyle though. Begs for it.

WOW! Jennifer Hudson in Versace was killing it. Triple Fabulous.

Pretty classy P. Diddly! But if I saw him in person I would have to resist the urge to run up and tear open the top button. I’m pretty fast, I might get away with it before a 400 pound bodyguard swatted me into the atmosphere like a fruit fly.

How much do you want to bet his favorite movie is A Christmas Story?

The beard might be swaying me, but I think Ray LaMontagne looks super snazzy.

A bunch of British guys who have perfected the art of looking like they are from Portland.

In the Saved by the Bell debate, I am totally a Zach Morris kind of a girl. Though I must admit, AC Slater cleans up pretty nicely.

My theory on this dress: She was ready to go and accidentally sat on a pen leaving on ink stain on her backside. With no time to get a new dress her assistant took the remaining fabric leftover from making this and just tied it to her waist.

The next time you want to make a grand entrance at an event ,take a page from Lady Gaga’s book. Curl up inside a mini-chicken membrane replica. That’ll get the party started!

After stealing Batman’s suit, Lady Gaga leaves citizens of Gotham without hope.

Kim Kardashian finally got herself a Bedazzler and she really wants you to know it.

S-T-U-N-N-I-N-G!!! Best Dressed.

I hope the ostrich that is strapped to the bottom of her dress has sufficient food and water! Award ceremonies are lengthy…

I’m thumbs up to the hair and make up. But I am really thumbs Switzerland on this dress. The color is nice, but that hanging belt is driving me crazy. I’m indecisive enough to just turn my head.

For Helena Bonham Carter I think we can all agree to just call this a draw.

I love that this Modern Family star tried to give a modern twist on his shirt/tie combo. Unfortunately, the pattern mismatch just hurt my brain.

Look at the camera boys! You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of in those outfits!

Mindy Kaling looks amazing in white without even a whisper of bridal.

Christina Hendricks is the epitome of bombshell in my book. That’s why I’m even more confused to see her in a bathrobe on the red carpet?

Dear Jane Lynch,

I partially blame the taffeta for this fashion felony, and I partially blame your stylist. I still like you.

Black on the red carpet is always a good choice! She looks fantastic in this embellished number.

Oh Don Draper, I can always count on you in a world of uncertainty.

HUGE improvements from the Valentine’s dress fiasco at the Golden Globes. Personally, I would have just rocked the amazing Black Swan costume, but we can’t all be so bold.

J.T. gets a teensy bit fancy with his tie and I feel pretty good about it. Do you?

This Alexander McQueen dress floating down the red carpet was one of the few times I perked up out of rhubarb strudel induced haze. The pattern is subtle and dynamic all at once and it’s obvious she loves wearing it. Mila Kunis is inching her way toward becoming teacher’s pet this year…

I’d use it as a table cloth in a heart beat. As a dress? Eh, not so much.

Dressing similiar to Violet Beauregarde from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory knocks you out of fashion favor in my book. But the good news for you John Krasinski is that I still find you incredibly attractive, and I can show you what to wear instead.

You can trust a proper British man to show up looking classic and dashing. Show us the way Mr. Darcy.

Hillary Swank and I have a long tumultuous fashion history together. This just mended a lot of it. Thanks for taking that first step in our relationship Hil.

Amy Adams is a very pretty woman and I don’t think this dress helped show that in any way. That’s all I have to offer.

A polite and firm, “No.”

Ok, be nice to the 15 year old girl everyone. Let’s think of positive solutions all together. If we wacked this dress off at the knee, wore it in the day to a more casual event and softened the colors up some it could work…

Take note girls who want to accentuate their curves. This is how you do it. She looks phenomenal.

Happy Shiny People! Love it…

Lookin’ good Mrs. Kevin Bacon!

Stand very still Mariska Hargitay. I fear the back of your dress may be attempting a mutiny.

I don’t watch Glee, so I am curious if there is a goth character I am not familiar with?

Anne Hathaway in Armani Prive stole my heart. I love the puffed shoulders, the way it hugs her body, the hair, all of it. Rachel Zoe has been styling her for years and that seems to be a match made in glamor heaven.

January Jones looks so ridiculously hot in this dress I want to stand near her and hope the aura of hotness will somehow rub off on me. It could work!

Oh Natalie. I hate to question your choices as one of my favorite stylish dressers ever. BUT I thought someone stole a fabric rose from Michaels craft store and glued it on your Viktor & Rolf gown. But neck up, I give thumbs up!

Is Jennifer Lopez secretly a super hero? She is wearing a cape……..

Ok Helena Bonham Carter, you knew what you were doing with this outfit. I liken this to a two year old throwing a tantrum to get attention and I am not going to indulge.

Some people were raving about this dress and put it on best dressed lists. I would like to (as kindly as possible) say I really, really do not care for it. The daisies scream bad 90’s fashion to me, the color isn’t doing her justice, she has a great body that is hidden in this silhouette. Michelle Williams deserves better! I do think thought that her hair and make-up look super young and fresh. Yay for that!

This color gown with her hair and skin = I was vigorously nodding at the television with a crazy grin on my face.

Halle Berry was at the Golden Globes as a nominee for playing a women with multiple personalities. It appears her dress is still in character….

I love seeing young ones already becoming so wise in the fashion ways. This skinny tie and tux combo is perfection

James Franco looks so handsome and put together. I officially cannot watch this movie where he cuts off his arm. I don’t want to see his body harmed in any way, even if it’s special effects.

Stylists note to client read, “Wear all black, get some tousled waves in your hair.” Unfortunately, it was only supposed to be directions for one of them, not both.

I wore a similar (but more casual) dress in the 11th grade to school. I was sent to the principals for wearing something that “gave the illusion of nudity” and told it was inappropriate and unbecoming. I see where they were coming from now.

It pains me to not like this. Julianne Moore is one of the most talented actresses in the world. And I would fight a bear to get to wear something by Lanvin, but my instincts tell me this is not working. Actually my instincts said, “What happened to her arm?!” when she walked out on stage, because I thought she was wearing a sling. Oops.

Return to Hollywood Golden Days! Love it.

I think this look is so cute for a spring party, a summer boutique opening, a press junket, pretty much anything but the Golden Globes.

Coyote Ugly no more! Piper Perabo killed it in Oscar de le Renta.

I miss the pale red-head girl from Superbad. Hollywood has gone and turned her into various shades of peach. I’m not on board this train.

Hailee Steinfeld is all of 15 and is dressing the part. She looks sweet and pretty in her high pony and floor length gown. And a special thank you from the world for not trying to wear something so sexy we all feel like creeps watching you on the red carpet.

The bust of this dress is doing unflattering things to Jennifer Love Hewiit. In fact, it looks like it may be doing double duty as a potential crumb catcher if you go out for coffee cake after the show.

Olivia Wilde looks like a fairy princess here (I mean that in a good way). I thought this was beautiful sparkly fun. My one complaint was the lack of accessories. I know this dress has a lot going on, but an oversized cocktail ring would have made my day.

This was a good night for blondes in black dresses. Julia Stiles looked gorgeous. Perfect hair for that neckline too. Bravo!

The lovely Carrie Brownstein rocking some red lips.

Dave Depper from Loch Lomond and The Ram Project cozies up to Colin Meloy from The Decemberists at the after party to talk about their eyebrow raising skills.

Mayor Sam Adams has a cameo as an assistant to the Portlandia mayor. He got groovy at the after party in a gray suit and also told me I looked pretty, officially sealing my vote for any and all future elections.

So much happening! Take it all in….

Three hot med students from OHSU bringing pops of color.

Lace = check. Layers= check. Portland = check.

Don’t let director’s Jonathan Krisel’s face here trick you. He was as sweet as the Portland rainy season is long. And despite not being a Pdx native, he expertly dressed the part.

This is the cutest maternity dress I have seen in awhile. Bravo!

A button up over a graphic t-shirt? Totally Portland!

Accessories a plenty!

The adorable designer Holly Stalder showing off some vintage…

Unexpected shoe color keep you on your toes. (pun intended)

You might recognize Jed here from the “Dream of the 90’s” video where he struts in his mini-bikini briefs.

Cheers!

Tapping into the wild side of fashion.

Two Sisters of the Perpetual Indulgence get points for most advanced make-up skills.

Requisite Pdx facial hair? Yup! And bonus points for being trimmed and groomed.

The girls from Pancake Breakfast know a thing or two about boots…

Costume designer Savannah Johnson is one of the few people I know who looks fantastic in a beret.

Hot red head alert!

Crushed velvet shirt? Why not, it’s a premiere!