BAR PILOT

Cheap, Cheap, Cheap

Premium lager at Walgreen’s?

Posted by: John Chandler on Jan 28, 2011 at 01:00PM 6 Comments

Yes, I’m drinking at work again.

I was browsing at the Walgreen’s on 21st and W Burnside looking for sweat socks (Mother’s Day is coming!) when I bumped into a display for Big Flats, a lager that retails for a ridiculous $2.99 a six pack. Hell, that’s 1982 pricing! I am nothing if not diligent, so I went outside and panhandled for a bit and soon had enough coin to make a purchase.

Big Flats is a contract beer sold exclusively at Walgreen’s, and it’s churned out by the Genesee Brewing Company of Rochester, New York, which apparently has been doing business in one form or another since 1878. It’s brewed under the corporate aegis of Winery Exchange, “the leading corporate brand beer supplier for premium quality beers from the USA, Latin America, and Holland.” They also provide custom libations for Costco and Trader Joe’s.

Beer Advocate lists Big Flats as an American Adjunct Lager, which means it’s mass-marketed, light on malts, extra carbonated, and contains adjunct grains, such as rice and corn, which are used as filler in the brewing process to cut costs. In other words, it’s Yankee cheap swill. It weighs in at 4.5 percent alcohol.

But at $2.99 for a sixer, how good does it really have to be? I chilled my Big Flats for a few hours and took it for a spin. It’s a light gold in the glass and it foams up and settles down in about two minutes. It’s lacking anything resembling a malty backbone, but has a not-unpleasant corny sweetness. I could drink about 14 of these things on a hot day (if I was between paychecks), hence the term “lawn mower beer.” I’ll go along with Beer Advocate’s analysis, which awarded Big Flats a grade of “C.” I’ve had worse beers—not exactly a ringing endorsement.

I do think, however, that hitching the word “Flats” to your beer is a colossal mistake. The Winery Exchange website claims the name “pays homage to the flat boats that traveled the area’s rivers delivering goods to early settlers.” That’s fine, I love history as much as the next gink, but it still creates an unfavorable association in the mind of the consumer. How about $2.99 Lager instead?

My recommendation is to pick up a half case if you’re going to a barbecue at someone’s house that you don’t know very well and aren’t particularly interested in cultivating as a friend. What do you think drinking buddies? Can you think of an occasion when a fine $3 lager would come in handy?

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Tags: Beer, Cheap, Big Flats Lager

Happy Hour of the Week

Red Star means “abundance”

Posted by: John Chandler on Apr 09, 2010 at 11:00AM 6 Comments

Photo: John Chandler

Happy Hour at Red Star is a popular stop. Come early and stay late. (Middle) The ham and brie sliders are a fine choice. (Bottom) The remains of french fry nachos.

This should come as a surprise to no one, but I’m a dive bar guy. I like dark rooms, shady characters, and cheap drinks—places where my lack of manners and fashion sense pass, for the most part, unnoticed. In other words, I drink econo.

However, this does not apply to Happy Hour. When I’m unchained from my galley oar at the end of a monstrous day, driven to the brink of madness by multitasking and Kafkaesque office politics, I need comfort. Abundance. Service sans sneer. And most of all, I need the time to enjoy these amenities. Though it’s a trifle on the posh side (it’s attached to Hotel Monaco) for my moth-eaten wardrobe and mangy friends, the Red Star Tavern and Roast House provides these necessities at a fair price for four luxurious hours a night. That’s right, Happy Hour at Red Star runs from 4-8 every weekday. This in itself is no big whoop, but the superior spread of chow and bevvies makes it a crucial stop on any after-work itinerary.

Photo: John Chandler

For a measly $3 you can tuck into four different varieties of sliders (two on a plate). The ham and brie with green mustard on a fresh-baked roll is delicate and delicious, and the meatloaf with spicy ketchup can put a decent dent in the pre-dinner munchies. There are also four kinds of tacos (two on a plate), a pair of decent-sized salads, and nearly a dozen hors d’oeuvre options.

The rich and robust popcorn drizzled in truffle oil justifies your daily fat intake in a way that humble butter never could. The french fry nachos is comprised of french fries (duh!) covered in cheddar cheese, onions, and slow-cooked roast beef. This is a dish that should be scarfed in great haste for two reasons: your tablemates’ roaming hands will be all over them, and after 10 minutes or so, the beef gravy reduces the potatoes to a sad, soggy pile. Don’t be shy with this one!

Photo: John Chandler

To wash down this array of groceries, Red Star offers $3 wells, $3 wine by the glass, and a formidable selection of craft pints for (you guessed it) $3. Among the taps were regional favorites like Ten Barrel Black Ale, Hopworks Lager, and Ninkasi’s Total Domination IPA. And for the well-heeled sophisticate there are cocktail classics (martini, manhattan, cosmo, margarita, lemon drop) for $5.

Bonus: The Red Star’s high ceilings reduce crowd clatter considerably. I could actually hear and comprehend everyone at my table without reading lips.

My only beef was with Red Star’s lack of group accommodations. The regulars start showing up at 4:01, and by 5 there’s no place for your posse. Eight of us did our best to cram our behinds around a tall table for four, but it still required some of us to take turns standing from time to time. It was kind of like that Hitchcock film Lifeboat, but thankfully the stakes were considerably smaller.

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Tags: Happy Hour, Southwest Dining, Cheap, Cocktails, Craft Beers

Colt Classic

What to buy with $3

Posted by: John Chandler on Mar 02, 2010 at 01:00PM 11 Comments

Last night. (Below) This morning.

I feel your pain. Lest you think the Bar Pilot is some hoity-toity, well-to-do toffee-nosed twit with more dollars than sense, I would just like to take this opportunity to remind everyone that our current state of economic suck-it-tude also affects those of us whose business it is to booze.

Contrary to popular opinion, my office is not stacked floor-to-ceiling with complimentary bottles of Napoleon brandy. Nor do I spend my days sitting in a leather easy chair sipping single malt scotch with my feet propped up on a nearby intern. Sadly, my discretionary budget for drinking and gadding about town is roughly equal to that of Greenland’s highest-paid comedian.

Take yesterday for example, For myriad reasons (my losses at the Baccarat table have been staggering) I was reduced to my last $3 in spending money. Ordinarily I would simply whip out my Mastercard, but I recently discovered that my identity has been pilfered by a juvenile delinquent from Sandusky, Ohio who maxed out my credit on internet porn.

To further complicate matters, there was a Trail Blazer game on TV, and I will not watch a televised sporting event without a beer in hand. I can’t. I won’t.

So I swallowed my pride, went to the corner quickie mart where I am revered as a connoisseur of name-brand swill, and bought a 40-ounce bottle of Colt 45 malt liquor. Mr. Lee rang me up and eyeballed me with newfound contempt, like I was a priest buying a copy of Hustler. Big deal, right? I mean, this is what we drank all the time before the advent of employment. And for $2.74 it didn’t break the bank.

Still, I can’t remember the last time I was reduced to such a pitiable financial state. In order to fool my snobby sensibilities I poured my purchase into a glass normally reserved for a premium ale.

How did it go? Not too bad. I’ve had much, much worse beer in my life. Colt 45 is a relatively smooth and full-bodied brew, and what it lacks in nuance, it more than makes up for with a buzz factor that’s off the charts. In terms of bang for your buck, Colt 45 is the motherlode.

On the downside I had neglected to eat dinner so I soon found myself lost at sea. It’s been my experience that when one tipples in excess with a top-shelf spirit even the resulting intoxication is usually more of a charmingly comic episode. That extra change you’ve plunked down for the good stuff means you’re typically on solid ground even whilst inebriated. Not so with cheap malt liquor. It was a reckless sort of a drunk, like one attained by an underage drinker with hooch stolen from Mom and Dad’s liquor cabinet. I was unsteady and not terribly witty and my dogs stared up at me with alarm in their little brown eyes. I was an unfrozen caveman—a graceless savage and soon I was snoring away on the couch with x’s for eyes.

This morning I awoke with a sour taste in my mouth but thankfully no hangover. Which leads me to ask: What happened to me? I used to drink 40s all the time. I was a happy prole. A lovable lout. Have I become an effete member of the upper crust? A shameless elitist with no soul?

What do you say drinking buddies? Is the consumption or alcohol a matter of economics? Is it worthwhile to drink cheap or are you better off abstaining until you have the coin for something decent? After the age of 40 are you required to maintain your dignity 24-7? As for me, I’m not in a hurry to quaff another Colt, but it was not without its brutish charms.

After all, it’s good enough for Lando Calrissian.

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Tags: Beer, Cheap

Hungry Tiger Too

A festive evening sans bankruptcy

Posted by: Emma Hall on Feb 22, 2010 at 03:00PM 5 Comments

Yes, I forgot to take a photo before I chowed down on the deliciousness that is vegan corndogs. Ah, well.

OK, it’s official, the recession sucks. Even so, there is a part of your life that should never be adversely affected by the economy: Your game—as in dating game.

Yes, our pocketbooks could do with a bit of fattening, but that’s no reason to abstain from high-rolling on occasion. Portland is loaded with places to wine and dine your sweetie without resorting to Taco Bell. In fact, I was recently able to fill up on food and even wrangle a modest buzz—with my date—for 10 measly dollars.

Wednesday nights at the Hungry Tiger Too (207 SE 12th Ave) are a tightwad’s ticket to financial security. Starting at 7, you can scarf as many vegan corndogs as you want (my max is four) and pints of PBR (my max is way more than four) for only $1 each!

Nope, I’m not a vegan (favorite food = cheeseburgers, medium rare), but the house-made vegan corndogs at Hungry Tiger are alarmingly tasty, with a perfectly crisp cornmeal shell lovingly wrapped around an I-can’t-believe-it’s-not-pig-parts wiener. Deeee-lish, and you can gracefully avoid the horror of finding out that your current romantic interest gets his/her svelte figure from a no meat/eggs/dairy diet, and now has nothing to order on the menu—and will spend the remainder of the evening smoldering with resentment.

The simple beauty of a $1 pint of PBR.

Wednesday nights at HT2 can get crowded so I recommend getting there no later than 8 or 9 in order to secure a table. Then sit back and enjoy the floorshow as the bar fills up with bearded dudes in American Apparel hoodies accompanied by stylish waifs rocking their best ragamuffin rags. Sure, you’re already on a date, but statistics show it probably won’t amount to anything. Might as well keep your eyes peeled for a future prospect.

There are also (free) board games on the premises like Cranium and Trivial Pursuit to further aid you in getting to know your companion. Do you really want to go home with a moron, a sore loser, or worse, a cheater?

My only gripe about Hungry Tiger Too’s hospitality? The music on the night I was there was cornier than the cuisine. In other words, the kind of songs one can appreciate at karaoke, but not blasting over the speakers while trying to interrogate your future mate. Can we please bury our ironic fascination with Journey, Def Leppard, and Bryan Adams once and for all? Please?

Of course, this friendly joint has other rotating specials besides cheap-date night. If you can’t make it out on a Wednesday, the next best choice is Sunday, when staving off a hangover from the previous night’s revelry is the order of the day. I suggest something from the fortifying “Mama’s Cure Alls” section of the menu: a bloody Mary for $5, the Wake Up Little Suzy (Irish coffee) for $6, or the “Sunday Mornin’” for $6.50. It’s a restorative take on the mimosa that includes a packet of E-mergenC mixed in with the champagne and OJ. Trust me, it’s good for what ails you.

Then again, if you’re feeling ambitious and need to get a head start on tomorrow’s hangover, you can opt for one of Hungry Tiger’s $10 Sippers: a huge, aquarium-size drink that (at least in theory) you really ought to share with a friend or three. And if you don’t happen to have a breakfast buddy, just gaze imploringly around the room. Surely someone will offer to help you slay your monstrous cocktail. Like I said, it’s a friendly place.

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Tags: Beer, Cheap, Cheap Date

Happy Beerthday!

Free beer at East Burn once a year

Posted by: John Chandler on Nov 06, 2009 at 01:00PM 9 Comments

No, this isn’t me. Not yet, anyway.

Free beer on your birthday? Yeah, right. And all the hot girls in your office have to accept a date request from you too.

A reader named Ross just sent me a query (it’s like a letter but shorter) wanting to know the best place in Portland for free drinks on your birthday. My reply was short and to the point: “Your house.” But, good sport that I am, I vowed to look into the matter.

Imagine my shock and surprise. Turns out you and nine (whoa!) friends can indeed drink for free on your birthday at East Burn, 1800 E. Burnside. Wait! Wait! Before you make babysitter plans, be advised that certain restrictions apply.

You must come in and register at least a week in advance.

The free drinking is for one hour only.

Tap and bottled beer or house wine only.

The drinking hour must be after 9 PM.

East Burn will only accommodate two parties per night. First registered, first served.

I’m still trying to contain my joy and rage. After all, I’ve had 15 birthdays in Portland, but no free hour of drinking. This shall not stand. Does anybody else know of any sweet birthday deals around town? I really want to know.

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Tags: Beer, Cheap, Holiday Events