BAR PILOT

Sandwich Stars

Big-Ass Sandwiches throws a big-ass party

Posted by: Rebecca Waits on Dec 09, 2011 at 05:00PM 0 Comments

Brian Posehn: Nerd Rage.

Lisa Wood woke up one morning last year and tweeted to the world that she and her husband/business partner Brian were interested in trading some of their Big-Ass Sandwiches for tickets to cool shows in town. Imagine her surprise when four hours later, comedy star Patton Oswalt rolled up to their cart on SW Ash with a hungry belly and a pair of tickets to his show. As Lisa puts it, “I feel like I won the f******* Internet!"

That day would spawn a series of curious friendships between Big-Ass Sandwiches and professional funny folks, characterized mainly by a new tradition of naming their absurdly-sized, mouthwatering, french-fry-filled sandwiches after local and touring comedians (as well as bands). This incredibly Portlandy trade-off has resulted in entrees like native Portlander and rising comic Matt Braunger’s sandwich “The Fat Braunger”, and local laugh-getter Ron Funches’ “A Delicious Situation."

Saturday night, Wonder Ballroom is the spot for Big Ass Sandwiches’ Two-Year Anniversary bash, hosted by reigning Portland’s Funniest Person Ian Karmel. It’s a wintery celebration of sensational sandwiches (and the people who love/make them) with sets from Ron Funches as well as lovable metal-nerd Brian Posehn from The Comedians of Comedy (whose sandwich is called A Vulgar Display of Porkage because he’s a Pantera fan). Not overwhelmingly cool enough for you? Headlining the evening will be local metal heroes (gyros?) Red Fang—who recently co-hosted and judged the local air guitar championship with Karmel.

“I am a hugely passionate comedy nerd in the same way that I’m a nerd about music. There seems to be a lot of crossover between those two communities, and I didn’t know if anybody had really combined the two here in town," says Lisa, “so this show is gonna be a good one.”

While this is by no means the first merger of rock and comedy, it should prove to be a particularly epic one. This showcase is jam-packed with top-tier talent guaranteed to make it an unforgettable—and incredibly metal—night for the ages.

Lisa admits, given the economic climate, she and Brian are extremely happy to be celebrating a second year with a few of their favorite things.

“We work really hard—we’re here every day, working nonstop, and we don’t get much of a chance to see friends and family anymore. So this is the one time of year when we can just close down, party, and talk to people. We had no idea it was gonna be so big this year, but we want the people who eat here—our regulars as well as new faces—to be able to get together, take a break and celebrate. We’re so grateful to our customers, seriously. I see so many carts closing every day, and we’re just happy that people like our food so much and keep coming back. We are truly, humbly thankful.”

Add a Comment »

Tags: Big Ass Sandwiches, Brian Posehn, Red Fang

Hammer Time

I chat with Food Network Canada about Big-Ass Sandwiches

Posted by: John Chandler on Oct 17, 2011 at 02:00PM 5 Comments

Since there’s no way to look dignified while eating on camera, I decide to distend my jaw like a Burmese python and take a monster bite. And now, with my gob crammed full of pork products and french fries, they want me to talk about the sandwich. Ye gods!

My love of Big-Ass Sandwiches is well documented. Whether I’m salivating over an old favorite or bragging about having a sandwich named after me (really, the greatest honor a living person can get), my admiration for Brian and Lisa Wood’s colossal creations is boundless. Today I was asked to sing my praises to the public, specifically Food Network Canada, the second camera crew in a week to drop by the Big-Ass Sandwich cart (Travel Channel was here on Saturday).

With the camera rolling, my face littered with yummy detritus, I tried to explain what it was that made the Pork Hammer (bacon, sausage, ham, french fries, and coleslaw), my selection of the day, such a winner. “You know how in a restaurant when you’re ordering breakfast, and they ask if you want ham, bacon, or sausage? Well, the Pork Hammer eliminates the need to make painful decisions,” I tell the interviewer.

“What do you like about it? What are you tasting?” he asks.

“Pig, glorious, pig,” I reply through a mouthful of carbohydrates. “The crispiness of the bacon, the suggestion of spice, fennel maybe, from the sausage, with the ham as a sturdy foundation, it’s positively mind-bending. And then there’s the french fries—pork and potatoes. It’s like a massive breakfast between two fresh-baked buns.”

My beautiful co-star.

“This is not a sandwich, it’s a statement of defiance. A delicious middle finger to anyone who ever told you not to eat something because it’s bad for you. I think a Big-Ass Sandwich fan understands that they may well be cutting into their own mortality. So you lose some drool time at the end of your days. So be it. This is for those of us who have chosen not to live in fear.”

At least now I have some footage for my “reel.” Hope I don’t end up on the cutting-room floor. By the way, this week’s special at BAS is called the Devil’s Breath Mint. It’s slow-cooked goat in a garlic chili sauce, Poblano coleslaw, raw onions, fries, and a splash of Secret Aardvark Sauce. Go. Eat. Rest assured that even as we speak, our top scientists are working on a brilliant formula to purge our bodies back to pristine condition. I think I read that somewhere. Or saw it in a movie. Anyway, bon appetit!

Add a Comment »

Tags: Food Carts, Big Ass Sandwiches, Food Network Canada

Magic Moments 2010

A few things that made me love my job this year

Posted by: John Chandler on Jan 04, 2011 at 10:00AM 5 Comments

The Bar Pilot Special from Big-Ass Sandwiches

Gads, is it 2011 already? My, how quickly the sands of time swirl away during the pursuit of Happy Hour excellence and bar bounty. Please understand that I’ve had to chew my way through some ghastly grub (the memory of Ash Street Saloon’s evil grilled-cheese sandwich still causes me to wake up screaming) and sample some really underwhelming cocktails in order to bring you, my drinking buddies, the latest intelligence from the front lines. But let’s accentuate the positive, shall we? Here then is a list of particularly noteworthy menu moments from this past year.

Big-Ass Sandwiches A Big-Ass Sandwich is like telling your stomach, “Here! Suck on this!” This is not a food cart that you can hit on a daily basis. The sandwiches are just too extreme. But if you’re having one of those days and you can feel a gnawing hunger in your gut that cries out in primordial fashion to be satisfied, you can do no better.

Cafe Nell The best service in town. Super-efficient waiters who appear as if summoned from a lamp.

Cascade Barrelhouse I adore Ron Gansberg’s sour beers and I greatly look forward to exploring their flavor mystique with an assortment of food pairings.

Hawthorne Hophouse A welcome addition to my neighborhood with exceptional pub grub (the Red Dragon Burger, with ham, spicy mustard, and cheddar atop Angus beef is a new addiction) and a rotating beer selection that pays loving tribute to the region. On Sundays, local brews are only $3!

The sampler tray at Hawthorne Hophouse.

Hop & Vine Really, this modest little shop offers the best of everything. A well-curated wine list, terrific rotating taps, intriguing cocktails, and a sturdy food menu, for starters, but the atmosphere is congenial and cozy. And if you want to stalk local beer celebrities chances are they’re hanging out there—right now!

Jade Lounge’s Banana Fritters On Tuesdays and Thursdays, Jade Lounge offers a cunning array of $3 plates all day. In this case I recommend dessert first. For a fleeting instant, the delicate cornmeal shell rolled in cinnamon, bursting with gooey banana splendor will bring to mind delightful domestic scenes from childhood. Perhaps not yours, but somebody’s.

Metrovino’s Seafood Chowder: True, I first encountered this sensational soup in 2009, but I return periodically to slurp of its goodness and fortify my ravaged soul. Fatty smoked bacon adrift in a sea of oysters, clams, tuna, and halibut for $5. Why aren’t you eating it now?

Metrovino’s Seafood Chowder.

Miho Izakaya For sheer menu audacity, I have to give it up for the little Japanese pub on N Interstate. The ingredients are always cracking fresh, and the 25 or so small-plate offerings ($2-10) are not only uniformly tasty, but extremely interesting to boot. The slow-cooked pork, spicy noodles, and beguiling fish entrees will reel you in and turn you into a homing pigeon for this coop.

Three Doors Down Bartender Matt Stiles is an unsung hero in my book. He’s never served me a drink that was anything less than spectacular. And the quality of the Happy Hour chow, from the habit-forming Tuscan white bean spread to the vodka sausage penne, is incomparable. Happy Hour is available all night on Sundays and Tue-Thur.

Upright Brewing Alex Ganum’s bold and yeasty farmhouse ales provided a welcome respite from the hops arms race.

I’m as human as the next gink and I can’t be everywhere at once. So by all means, if I’ve missed something that deserves a round of applause, please speak up!

Add a Comment »

Tags: Happy Hour, Hop and Vine, Three Doors Down, Metrovino, Best of 2010, Hawthorne Hophouse, Miho Izakaya, Upright Brewing, Cascade Brewing, Big Ass Sandwiches, Cafe Nell, Jade Lounge

What’s For Lunch?

The Bar Pilot Patty Melt!

Posted by: John Chandler on Aug 31, 2010 at 12:00PM 13 Comments

I feel like I just ate a park bench. This will be my last lunch report from Big-Ass Sandwiches for a while, I promise. But since they did me the honor of naming this week’s special after me, I feel I should acknowledge the effort—especially since it’s friggin’ awesome.

The Bar Pilot Patty Melt is a leviathan of fresh ground Piedmontese beef (tender, juicy, lean) and grilled onions, splashed with caraway aioli, and loaded with a layer of french fries. You have three cheese choices; bleu cheese crumbles, Swiss, and the bechamel sauce. I recommend the latter, because it introduces a slightly smoky element into this highly munchable mess. The caraway aioli replicates the taste of rye bread, a traditional component of the patty melt, and the bechamel, onions, and fries become fused into a glorious, savory sidewalk of starch. I also recommend a change of clothes: the juice from the beef soaks the bread and the normally sturdy Fleur de Lis-baked bun turns into a spongy tortilla resulting in more falling debris than the Hindenburg. I’m ashamed to admit I couldn’t quite finish—don’t you judge me!

Zoinks!

Having a sandwich named after me is one of the coolest things that’s ever happened. How pathetic am I? “That sandwich is you,” said one of my office mates. “Beefy, wry (rye), and really cheesy.” If I’d actually consumed the whole sandwich in one sitting it would have been my epitaph.

Speaking of monster sandwiches, I ate at the Sonic Drive-in in Wilsonville the other day. Glory be! It’s a sinful shrine dedicated to calories, carbohydrates, and carhops, a totally Old School operation like A&W used to be. You order from your car and a waitress on roller skates wheels out a tray loaded with heart-stopping comestibles—a partial menu is shown below. The dreaded tofu wouldn’t dare show its pale face around these parts. I guess what I’m trying to say is, temptation is everywhere. Enjoy your life and I’ll see you in hell.

Add a Comment »

Tags: Food Carts, Big Ass Sandwiches

What’s For Lunch?

Another Big-Ass Sandwich!

Posted by: John Chandler on Apr 12, 2010 at 11:00AM 10 Comments

Photo: Garrett Milojevich

The Funemployment Radio Special from Big-Ass Sandwiches. Profound and troubling.

As I carefully unwrapped my prize, several co-workers gathered around to gawk at the grand unveiling. Once the foil was removed, a moment of stunned silence ensued.

“It looks like my entire childhood stuffed into one sandwich,” said web designer Garrett Milojevich.

“How so?” I asked.

“We were very poor,” he answered.

I swear on a stack of take-out menus that I am NOT pimping for Brian and Lisa Wood, the diabolical masterminds behind Big-Ass Sandwiches. I don’t owe them money, and they did not save my life back in ’Nam. But come on! How can I realistically keep a sandwich like this under my hat? The Big-Ass monstrosity of the week, the Funemployment Radio Special ($6), comes loaded with a couple scoops of macaroni and cheese, sliced hot dogs, house-made Béchamel cheese sauce, an alarming pile of french fries, and a few squirts of Secret Aardvark Hot Sauce impossibly folded into their signature grilled ciabatta roll.

And I’m not the only blogger with the hots for BAS. As I was perusing today’s menu, I ran into Aaron Duran, who has a bitchin’ pop culture website called Geek in the City, a spot where you can read the latest scuttlebutt about crap-tastic movies, sci-fi TV, and other topics that you’re ashamed to admit that you care about in a big way. Aaron was just polishing off the Funemployment Radio Special and recommended I do likewise. He dared me! What was I going to do? He draws a lot of water in this town!

Lest you think that Big-Ass Sandwiches is merely about sending me to an early grave, let it be known that Brian and Lisa Wood have also organized a monthly benefit day called Third Wednesday PDX in which they donate 100 percent of their profit and tips to a local charity, with a different beneficiary each month. Thus far they’ve raised several hundred dollars each for Mercy Corps, Basic Rights Oregon, and p:ear. For their April 21 event, they’ve recruited fellow cart merchants at Yarp, The Big Egg, Give Pizza a Chance, and Whiffies to join their effort. And that should make for a hefty donation to this month’s recipient, The Pixie Project, a local animal rescue organization. So go ahead and stuff your face. Do it for all the kitties and puppies.

Epilogue: There were individual moments from the Funemployment Radio Special that were among the finest tastes I’ve ever masticated. The mingling of hot sauce, cheese, fries, and hot dog, practically made my eyes roll back in my head. Yes, I’m well aware that this sandwich is bad for me. I’m not a complete moron—I’m more of a work in progress. But if Big-Ass Sandwiches is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

Add a Comment »

Tags: Food Carts, Big Ass Sandwiches

Lunchin’ Large

Big-Ass Sandwiches cures lunchtime blues

Posted by: John Chandler on Mar 09, 2010 at 09:00AM 11 Comments

Photo: Garrett Milojevich

I have it on good authority that the world is going to end in 2012. This came straight from the mumbling, Harvey Pekar-lookalike who sits in the back of the No. 14 bus, and thus far his data has proven to be at least as reliable as Wikipedia or Fox News. Since we’re all headed for the happy hunting grounds anyway, I can wholeheartedly recommend lunch at Big-Ass Sandwiches.

Under the proprietorship of Brian and Lisa Wood, this never-say-diet food cart at the corner of SW Third and Ash has been grilling up belt-loosening sandwiches since just before Christmas. Today I punished a Big-Ass Breakfast Sandwich (pictured), which sports a scrambled-egg foundation, covered with bacon (or sausage), and buried under a pig-pile of French fries. Somehow the soft and chewy ciabatta roll is able to swallow up this mess, though the consumer is more than welcome to shovel down a few handfuls of fries in conventional fashion before closing the sandwich, taking a beatific bite, and happily hastening their own demise. It’s an efficient little monster that ruthlessly combines side dish and entree on a dough pillow of fresh-baked bread.

Co-owner Lisa Wood tells me that this week BAS is proud to feature the Cort & Fatboy Special, a beef brisket slathered in homemade BBQ sauce and crushed beneath layers of bacon, coleslaw, and fries. Word around the carts is that this leviathan lunch special may soon spawn its own religion. And with Armageddon on the horizon, a little religion couldn’t hurt.

UPDATE: The actual title of this week’s special is “The Cort & Fatboy Happy Fun Time BBQ Southern Meat Surprise.” Thanks David Walker!

Add a Comment »

Tags: Food Carts, Big Ass Sandwiches