Bad News in a Can
Drunk and wired is no way to go through life
Posted by: John Chandler on Nov 12, 2010 at 11:00AM
13 Comments
A malt beverage available in a variety of flavors, Four Loko combines alcohol with stimulants like caffeine, guarana, and taurine—a mix that Harvard health officials and other doctors deem hazardous.
Known as “blackout in a can” for its combination of caffeine and 12 percent alcohol, Four Loko is one of 55 drinks that the state [Michigan] banned Thursday.
Sen. Chuck Schumer is calling on the New York State Liquor Authority to ban the drink known affectionately among some as “Blackout-in-a-can”—a cocktail of caffeine and malt liquor known as Four Loko.
The first I heard about Four Loko, a malt liquor that’s cunningly crammed full of stimulants, was when nine students at Central Washington University went to the hospital after chugging a bunch of the stuff at an off-campus party in early October. A little sleuthing on my part revealed that this wasn’t an isolated incident. At Ramapo College in New Jersey, 23 students went to the hospital after a Four Loko binge, and four students from New York’s Skidmore College ended up in the ER after a Loko-fied Halloween party. Apparently it’s all the rage on campuses—just like raccoon coats, swallowing goldfish, and stuffing phone booths.
I’ve only tried malt liquor energy drinks on two occasions: several Halloweens ago, someone brought a 12-pack of Liquid Charge to a friend’s party and I downed a couple in order to horrify my fellow revelers (it was Halloween, after all). Over a year later, at the same friend’s birthday party, we discovered she still had several Liquid Charges left (go figure) so I repeated the feat. My judgment, in both instances, was severely impaired (i.e., drunk party clown showing off his brazen idiocy).
I didn’t notice any gruesome side effects (other than a vicious hangover), but apparently Liquid Charge (6.9 percent alcohol in a 16 ounce can) is weak tea compared to the mighty Four Loko which boasts a 12 percent alcohol kick that comes in a hefty 23.5 ounce can along with enough caffeine, guarana, and taurine to have you dancing the mambo till the next election. A Harvard report compared it to six servings of alcohol and five cups of coffee, but that estimate was at the high end of the spectrum from the accounts that I read.
Washington state has already banned Four Loko and a bunch of related products, and the Oregon Liquor Control Commission is mulling over a similar course of action. In the meantime, I ambled over to the local Skeezy Mart and bought a can of Four Loko for $2.75. I haven’t tried it yet. I’m still screwing up the courage.
Probably the thing that surprised me the most about Four Loko is that it comes in nine “delicious” flavors (I opted for Lemon Lime, although Fruit Punch and Grape were both tempting) and that it looks exactly like an energy drink. But if you search carefully enough, the helpful message “contains alcohol” is visible around the top of the can. Ah, corporate responsibility at its finest.
I was recently asked about my opinion on the subject, so here goes. Frankly, I can’t imagine vast numbers of our readership are going to be even momentarily intrigued by this crass swill. Surveys reveal Portland Monthly readers to be highly educated, intelligent, and employed. As for me, I’ve slugged down some truly vile stuff in my time. Fortified wine, 40-ouncers of Olde English, rotgut booze, even some homemade white lightning served in an old mayo jar. Not smart, but the path to wisdom is fraught with such pits and snares.
I totally understand the allure of combining the heightened sense of well being that comes from booze, with the desire to be reasonably alert throughout the duration of a party. The longer you can remain clever (and perpendicular) at a social event, the better chance you have of winning friends and influencing people. “Say, let’s invite John Chandler to our next party. He was on his feet telling funny stories about his roommates till the wee hours. And he drank all the rum! What a guy!” It’s a fine line to try and walk, one that I imagine would appeal to a college student looking for a hook-up or just trying to fit in with the “in” crowd. I recall from my distant college days, my own need to overcome social anxiety and to appear calm, cool, and collected. Most of the time it didn’t work and at least once I ended up hurling all over the back seat of a girl’s Volkswagen. Needless to say, that relationship never got off the ground.
But then I never had to contend with a drink that hides the depressant effects of alcohol with waves of newfound energy, either. One report said that Four Loko was like stepping on the gas and putting on the breaks at the same time. That can’t be good. I have little doubt that the OLCC will climb aboard and ban this nasty stuff and that campuses will once again be safe from the effects of binge drinking. That is, until bored students or corporate overlords invent something else that seems fun and dangerous. Remember, consume responsibly—which is a message you won’t find on a can of Four Loko. Bottom line: Anytime judgment and motor skills are out the window, combined with lots and lots of energy, is a recipe for disaster. Nothing good can possibly come of it.
This topic is now open for discussion: Yes, we have free will and no one is forcing this junk on us. Unfortunately, we as a people ain’t the brightest bulbs in the chandelier—especially when it comes to leisure time. Here’s a comical video on the subject.
My $.02 – Yes it’s a vile, wrong and gross product. But kids will forever do dumb things, and a government taking the power away from individuals to learn from their mistakes and make their own decisions will not in any way advance evolution.
Secondly – grandstanding politicians who want yet another way to tell people what to do and how to live their lives will actually end up having the opposite effect, now that they have focused so much attention on the matter – the kids are mixing their Red Bull and vodkas thinking – ‘OK, what next then?’
Banning cocaine didn’t work for all the Lindsay Lohans and wannabes. Prohibition failed.
So I’ll just go to bar and drink redbull and Jager or vodka and etc.
this doesn’t change anything its just hurting certain companies!
I suggest only taking one small sip, to verify that it tastes like crap in a can. That will give you bragging rights enough. You can say you tried it, before it was banned. Then, see what else that still will do. Will it eat corrosion off of a car battery? Dissolve bugs? Slug bait? Scour your shower? Kill the moss on the front walk of your house? I bet it could have a successful alternate purpose to unfathomable heavie jeevies in a can.
Ban Four Loco! Legalize pot!
My first reaction is that this company is being scapegoated, kids will be kids, etc. But then again, this stuff is particularly toxic. Millions of people are drinking Red Bull and vodka or Spanish coffees without almost dying.
I don’t think banning it is wrong – I think producing such evil swill and marketing it to youth and residents of low-income neighborhoods is wrong. And I disagree with the contention that banning things takes away people’s ability to make their own decisions – people still break the law (thus making their own decisions) no matter what laws are enacted. If you’re sufficiently bent on self-destruction, you’ll do whatever you want! But why should society pay for it when a corporation markets a deceptively alcoholic drink said to “increase energy” (stimulants make you jittery when taken in quantity, and *decrease" energy in the long run!) to young people whose brains are not yet developed to MAKE their own sound decisions? In Australia, you must wear a helmet on a bike or motorbike. Why? Because your health care is covered by the government and it has been proven that head injuries dramatically decrease when people wear helmets – in such as society, where some of life’s basics like university education and health care are covered – if you do seriously stupid things, you are – in effect – making others pay for it. Maybe if we had universal health care, then the destructive things we do would be viewed with more suspicion by the tax-paying public and researchers and society members would invest more in education and outreach regarding the consequences – and fight greedy corporations with an interest in promoting their destructive, inane products. Rant over.
Drink it. Drink it. Drink it. Drink it. Drink it. Drink it. Drink it. Drink it. Drink it. Drink it. Drink it. Drink it. Drink it. Drink it. Drink it. Drink it. Drink it. Drink it. Drink it. Drink it. Drink it. Drink it.
As an American, I should have the right to go to hell in my own way.
It makes me want to buy a pallet of it, to sell for profit later.
A friend of mine actually drank some Four Loko this evening. He described the taste as “Cold molten lava pee bubbles, wrapped in barbed wire, and poured over your brain until you scream for mercy.”
Agrees with Katushka. With Fruit Punch, Watermelon and Grape as some of FL’s flavors it’s clearly designed to appeal to kids. I went to their website to learn more, messed up on entering my birthdate and was directed to http://www.thecoolspot.gov/ a website for teen drinkers.
While I’m all for less government, sadly, we do need some rules to help keep all of us safe. I agree with Katushka.
I tried some last night. I knew it was going to taste bad. It was really bad. Saving the adjectives for update blog post.
I’m homebrewin’. Any takers?
There seems to be bad news with this drink but I have not checked yet…
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