Cool Places
Aiiieeee! I can’t stand it! What’s the best bar for chilling?
Posted by: John Chandler on Jul 30, 2009 at 03:00PM
10 Comments
The heat can make a man do strange things. I figured this out while trying to stuff one of my pugs into a pirate costume for our living room production of Peter Pan. The stitches should be out in four to six weeks, thank you very much.
Yesterday I was beyond hot, well past uncomfortable, and on the verge of setting sail on the HMS Freakout when a phone call from my friend Lucy saved my bacon. We decided to visit the Penguin Pub in Sellwood (8117 SE 17th Ave). “But why there, oh mighty Bar Pilot?” you may ask yourself. By they way, thanks for the “mighty” designation.
First and foremost, as befits its arctic moniker, the Penguin is blissfully chilled. And the penguin memorabilia strewn all over the place tricks your subconscious into thinking it’s even colder. I don’t know about you, but my subconscious sweats like a sprinkler.
Second, they claim to have the coldest beer in town. Their kegs are stashed in the basement and the beer runs through cooled tubing of some kind. I don’t know if it’s officially the coldest, but it’s damn frosty, and lowering my body temperature back to double digits was imperative.
Third, they have Bottle Cap–flavored Jell-O shots. Bottle Caps are an ancient brand of candy, kind of like a cross between Sweet Tarts and Alka-Seltzer. Mmmmm. Disgusting.
But last night was bonus. While bellying up to the bar, I spied a curious artifact nestled among the liquor bottles. It appeared to be a glass skull. Bum-bum-BUM!
Having spent years playing Dungeons & Dragons (laugh and I’ll smite thee with my +4 sword of sharpness), I knew better than to pick up this cursed relic myself, so I asked the bartender to fetch it. The skull sloshed as she brought it over. “It’s called Crystal Head vodka,” she said, placing it on the bar. “It’s Dan Aykroyd’s brand.”
Qué? Apparently the surviving member of the Blues Brothers is into both spirits (he has his own Dan Aykroyd line of wines) and the spirit world, as he’s fascinated by the legend of the crystal skulls, allegedly ancient artifacts of great power that served as the basis for that lame Indiana Jones movie that came out last year.
A shot of this fabled elixir cost me a staggering $11 (quite a markup since a bottle retails for around $50), but it was a refined little vodka with a devilish afterburn that simmered nicely in the ol’ labonza. The sticker shock was mitigated somewhat after I found that purchasing a taste of Crystal Head at the Penguin Pub made me eligible for a drawing. Once the skull is drained of vodka, the grinning death’s head will be raffled off, and I know I’m going to win it. It’s going to look really cool on the mantel above my fireplace. And when it’s this hot outside, being cool is a thing beyond measure.
Questions for the day: What’s the best bar in town for chilling out when the heat is hellish? What’s your favorite hot-weather cocktail? Got any zany/brilliant DIY methods for keeping cool? Let’s hear ’em!
Tags: Places to Go Vodka Summer
Ack! Could you at least crop my fuzzy head out of that middle photo? Some drinking should remain undocumented. Especially the desperate kind, like that designed to escape the heat. A woman must have her pride!
Of course, if I had not received your invite, I would have created my own version of bathtub gin. First, take a bathtub. Fill it with ice. No water. Just ice. Second, insert me. Third, sip gin while submerged. Thus, the perfect bathtub gin for a sweltering day to beat all. Desperate times call for desperate drinking. Bar optional. But, the penguins were a nice touch.
Cachaca lemonade or a havana sidecar are the drinks that cool me off.
Cachaca is liquor made from sugar cane – it has a nice burnt sugar taste. Mix it with a good natural lemonade and pour over ice. deeelightful.
Havana sidecar is rum, lemon juice and cointreau – shaken not stirred – poor into martini. YUM!
That Indiana Jones movie was so lame.
But that vodka skull is so cool.
The barmaid said that the empty Crystal Head bottle is worth $70. If you do the math, it’s worth more empty than it is with the vodka inside. So it seems to me, it would be more profitable for them to PAY people to drink it, wouldn’t it?
The heat has me hitting return instead of tab.
Ok, my backyard, a wave sprinkler, and a Dirty Lazy Martini.
In a proper martini glass, drip a little dry vermouth in and toss it out.
Fill with ice, monopolova, and a dash of olive juice.
Try to time moving the sprinkler so you won’t get blasted in the face.
Fail.
Repeat.
I found the crystal skull online for $49.99.
Filled with vodka I will use as a mixer. Or emergency medical supplies.
Went to a strip joint in Cheyenne, Wyoming one night while moving across the country in 1992. It was August and hot all over the country but that night Cheyenne was about 50 degrees and for some reason they had the a/c cranked. Patrons complained, strippers quit, neighbors moved and the police showed up. Damn, wish I could remember the name of that place.
The Space Room is usually pretty chill.
Best hot weather cocktail: Campari and soda