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Happy Hour

Happy Hour of the Week

3 Doors Down does it right

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My mercurial moods always get me into hot water. “You flip-flop between crummy little dives and places I can’t afford!” read the irate email. Well, “Justin,” let me see if I can break it down for you. There are times when my financial prospects aren’t so rosy. On those occasions I favor a Happy Hour where a few crumpled bills will fill my rumbling belly and perchance blur my sobriety. When the eagle screams, I believe in stimulating our local economy by disposing of as much of my paycheck on swanky cocktails and small-plate snacks as possible. That’s just how I roll.

A recent trip to 3 Doors Down belongs firmly in the latter camp. It’s a classy spot where I don’t skimp—the food is just too well prepared and the drinks are simply breathtaking. Will I regret my profligacy at some point during my two-week cycle between pay days? A little bit, but the sense memory of the creamy white bean spread or the dazzling eggplant parmesan ($8.25) usually buries any nagging recriminations. It’s a small space, one that’s not conducive to a big party of blowhards, but for small, civilized groups or a romantic tete-a-tete, it’s the bee’s knees.

One of the factors that weighs most heavily in its favor is the relaxed atmosphere. Happy Hour is only available on Sunday and Tuesday-Thursday, but it lasts all night, so you’ve got plenty of time to linger over a brilliant salad of Bibb lettuce, chives, smoked bacon, and garlic dressing ($4) that will curl your uvula. Don’t overlook the house specialty, a penne pasta with vodka sauce and sausage ($8.50) that melds flavors of pepper, ripe tomatoes, and a jab of licorice from the fennel into an entree that will consciously make you slow down while eating it. All the better to savor the ingredients—and make the dish last just a wee bit longer. The Zuppa del Mare ($10) is a zingy seafood stew of shellfish and shrimp seasoned with saffron that tingles all the way down.

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Don’t be shellfish! There’s plenty of Zuppa de Mare to go around.

If you turn away for just a moment, chances are there will be a fresh plate of Pearl Bakery’s pugliese bread ($2)—a crusty rustic Italian bread that could sop up an oil spill—when you return your gaze to the table. Nope, they’re not cheap with the bread at 3 Doors Down, and the accompanying Tuscan white bean spread is a subtly piquant gem that should be smeared on anything that doesn’t move.

Lest you think I’m giving the drinks short shrift, rest assured nothing could be further from the truth. In the hands of bartender Matt Stiles, everything from a mundane martini to one of his can’t-miss daily specials is rendered with Swiss-watch precision. Case in point, the mojito, a drink I normally avoid because it’s usually mixed in amateur fashion (too much mint or lime). Stiles, however, understands that a proper cocktail is a whole story unto itself with a beginning, a middle, and an end. Whether it’s the proportioning, the stir, or the dash of orange bitters, Stiles has a gift for weaving the ingredients into a superb three-part harmony of prickly mint, limey tartness, and the light rum’s sweet burn. He’s performed similar sleight-of-hand with virtually every cocktail he’s ever served me—and that’s a goodly number.

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The mojito—magic in a glass.

The prices may appear spendy to anyone who’s more used to plunking down a few measly shekels for vulcanized chicken wings at Tuffy’s Tavern, but the value of the overall experience is off the charts: prompt and amiable service, crackling-fresh ingredients, and deftness of execution is not something you find at every hole in the wall.

Adieu, 3 Doors Down! I’ll return in two weeks with a bulging wallet and an empty stomach.

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Tags: Happy Hour, Cocktails

Good Causes

Deschutes Street Fare

Yes, we know the difference between “fair” and “fare”

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Photo: John Chandler

More than 1500 folks showed up to the Deschutes Street Fare held last Thursday at NW 11th and Davis.

View Slideshow » Photo: John Chandler

More than 1500 folks showed up to the Deschutes Street Fare held last Thursday at NW 11th and Davis.

View Slideshow » Photo: John Chandler

Local nonprofit Morrison Child and Family Services was the beneficiary of the Deschutes Street Fare to the tune of $5000.

View Slideshow » Photo: John Chandler

The jalapeño cheese popper sandwich from Grilled Cheese Grill was best savored with a cold beer handy.

View Slideshow » Photo: John Chandler

The sensational pork and kimchee sandwich came from the Slow & Low cart.

View Slideshow » Photo: John Chandler

The Deschutes beer vendors were definitely hopping on a hot afternoon.

View Slideshow » Photo: John Chandler

Garden State brought meatball-and-mozzarella sliders to the party.

View Slideshow » Photo: John Chandler

Chris Funk from the Decemberists (left) and Langhorne Slim delivered a set of fiery folk tunes.

View Slideshow » Photo: John Chandler

This is a waffle taco from the Flavour Spot with pecans and maple butter. It was sublime!

View Slideshow » Photo: John Chandler

The chilly fruit flavors at Oregon Ice Works proved popular with a simmering crowd.

View Slideshow » Photo: John Chandler

The pizza jockeys at Pyro Pizza kept the slices coming even on a hot evening.

When I first started working at Portland Monthly one of my duties was to attend local charity functions and report on how many people showed up, what went on, and how much money was raised. To be sure, the Portland nonprofit community is second to none in its dedication and generosity, but the events themselves tended to be a mixed bag. For every inspiring evening with bountiful auctions, exciting celebrities, dancing, and five-star cuisine, there was a corresponding night spent chained to a folding chair balancing a plate of rubber chicken while trying to distinguish between the monotones of all six guest speakers.

Well, Morrison Child and Family Services, the leading provider of children’s mental health services in Multnomah County, knows how to throw a proper shindig. A fortuitous team-up with Deschutes Brewing resulted in last week’s Deschutes Street Fare (spelled this way in reference to the all the different “fare” available), a street soiree that featured a whole squadron of food carts, a smart selection of bands, and plenty of Deschutes brews—good thing, ’cause the temperature crept into the low 90s and my thirst for hops hit critical mass.

In my opinion the presence of the food cart contingent was a stroke of genius because it gave a lot of Portlanders who weren’t familiar with these charming chuck wagons the chance to peck at some of the tastiest and most intriguing food around. And judging by the crowds around Whiffies Fried Pies and Garden State sandwiches, it was a very successful introduction. Some 1500 folks dropped by to sample the goodies, bob their heads to the likes of Loch Lomond and Sallie Ford, and $5000 was raised for Morrison’s coffers. Take a look at our web-exclusive slideshow for all the highlights.

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Tags: Food Carts, Craft Beers,

Spirit Guide

It’s Rum Day!

So what are we having?

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Today is National Rum Day! From what I’ve been able to determine the origins of this holiday are shrouded in mystery—which usually means it was something concocted by the rum industry in an effort to move more product. But far be it from me to rain on any event dedicated to the cocktail cause. If you’re in a celebratory mood, you can find specials on rum libations at any of the Rogue drinking establishments today.

Speaking of Rogue, today is also the day that the Green Dragon Bistro and Brewpub on SE Ninth Ave unveils its new in-house brewing operation which will be called Buckman Village Brewery. Rogue master distiller John Couchot will be the captain driving that particular boat. If you’re in the neighborhood, drop by for a pint or two of the Buckman Chamomile Ale.

And since it is National Rum Day, I’ve included an instructional video on how to make Hawaii’s most devastating cocktail, the mai tai. If you’ve got any lovely rum cocktail ideas knocking around in your noggin please send ’em along. Aloha!

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Tags: Cocktails, Craft Beers, Rum

Happy Hour

Happy Hour of the Week

The great outdoors at Bar Bar

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A patio is just a patio: a cement parcel out back where nic fiends can get their smoke on and sun birds can lounge and lollygag. A patio is nothing to get excited about—unless there’s more than one of them; a pair of pastoral parlors tastefully arranged for optimum chilling.

The recently opened Bar Bar, the drinking den that adjoins Mississippi Studios, boasts two (soon to be three) such bucolic backyards: the landscaped back patio, and the roomier side patio where musicians can wreak artful havoc. Impromptu concerts have been known to spontaneously erupt thanks to the Bar Bar’s proximity to Mississippi Studios. Members of Blue Giant and Dolorean dropped in to kick out some jams on a recent balmy day.

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One of two (soon to be three) patios.

Happy Hour itself takes place weekdays from 4-7 and on weekends from 2-7. The modest specials are limited to drinks only, unfortunately, no food (or wine) specials to be had. On the beer and booze front thirsty patrons can quench themselves with $2 PBR or Tecate tall boys, $4 well cocktails, $5 margaritas (in a pint glass, FTW!), and slice a buck off a well-rounded list of $4.50 craft beers.

Though not discounted, the food menu—already pretty cheap—is smartly executed and reflects well on Bar Bar and its expansive environs. For those looking for big-bite bounty, juicy burgers made from Cascade Natural beef (available with cheese or as a double from $5-7) await. In the spirit of catering to a diversity of appetites there’s a satisfying housemade veggie burger too ($6.50). Throw in a tasty version of the American Wedge salad topped with onion rings ($4.50) and you have a rib-sticking vegetarian feast (ask about the shortening in the fryer if you’re still dubious).

Should you wish to share the fare with your tablemates, the fries ($2.50) and onions rings ($3) are serviceable staples. But the featured attraction is “The Box,” ($8.50) an assortment of finger snacks (cheeses, house-baked corn nuts, hazelnuts, cherries, chorizo) inexplicably served up in an old-time metal strong box (many of which have already disappeared). Novelty aside, it’s an enticing spread of goodies, one that practically demands to be passed around. Random Order pies, chocolate brownie alamode, and root beer or dark beer floats (awesome idea—about time!) provide relief for any sweet tooth flare-ups.

Benign basics mixed with a few surprises are what you’ll find at Bar Bar—and if you’re lucky, perhaps the chance to catch some indie-rock royalty riffing at the table across from you. Just pass ’em The Box by way of an introduction.

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Tags: Happy Hour

Mother of Inventions

Robots and Frozen Treats

A few ideas for keeping your cool

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Come to me, my mechanical manservant.

According to the weather forecast (which has never been wrong, ever!) the next few days are going to exceed the 90-degree mark. And because I care, so much, I surfed the web for some possible alcohol-induced methods for remaining cool, calm, and contentedly buzzed. As we all know, the secret to remaining sweat free is to conserve your energy and stay hydrated.

1. The Hopsicle Hey! You kids! Stay out of my freezer!

Pro: Refreshing, icy beer goodness.
Con: You’ll probably cut off a finger.

2. The Bottle Opener A bottle opener? On a shirt? The future is here!

Pro: A frosty beer need never again remain cruelly trapped in its oppressive bottle, a tantalizing distance from your parched mouth.
Con: Dorky looking and the opener will likely come off in the wash.

3. Beerbot Beer Pouring Robot Yes! Yes! Yes!

Pro: It keeps your beer cool and opens it for you! If they could make one that looked like Christina Hendricks, I’d declare my undying love for this divine technology. (Heh, heh, just kidding baby.)
Con: It doesn’t have wheels to follow you around—yet. Also, it only holds 6 12-ounce cans. What about the 40s? What about the 22s?

If they could make one the size of Christina Hendricks (with wheels!) it could probably hold a dang pony keg! By the way, if you’re still trying to decide what to get me for Christmas …

And if you, my dear drinking buddies, have some brilliant booze-inspired ideas, please share right here and now.

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Tags: Beer, Good Ideas

Good Eats

Big (Ass) Wednesday!

All I need is … this sandwich

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Oh, the humanity!

This just in: After consulting with a team of physicians and cardiologists, it has been determined that I can safely eat one Big Ass Sandwich per month without appreciably shortening my lifespan. Or as one of the esteemed sawbones told me, “At this point, what difference does it make? Yeah, sure, eat up. Whatever.”

Business has been brisk at Brian and Lisa Wood’s supreme sandwich cart as of late. Big Ass Sandwiches was voted “Portland’s Best Food Cart” by the readers of Willamette Week, and it will be featured on a new Cooking Network show called Food Truck Revolution on August 22 and 29 (check local listings and then scream like a banshee at your cable provider).

My arrival today coincided with that of a well-dressed gentleman who performed a Tom Jones medley (with choreography!) in the hopes of winning a free sandwich from proprietess Lisa Wood. This guy was pretty damn good, so I would advise any potential sand-handler to work on their moves. Wood also informed me that anyone loyal (or foolhardy) enough to get a Big Ass Sandwich tattoo, that it’s worth $1 off any future sandwich purchase—for life! Or at least the life of the tattoo. But wait! Not so fast. The tattoo should include the official BAS logo as seen here.

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This week’s special is named after a scene in the Steve Martin film The Jerk, in which Steve wanders dejectedly away from his mansion and wealthy former life saying, “All I need is … this chair.” The All I Need is This Sandwich features locally sourced roast beef (there’s also a turkey option), grilled onions, arugula, bleu cheese sauce, french fries, and an industrial strength horseradish that will incinerate every nose hair on your person. Once again, the true genius of this sandwich lies in the jazz-like interplay of the ingredients: the tangy bleu cheese, the spicy arugula, and the brawny grilled onions wreak havoc over the resilient french fries and tender roast beef—until running headlong into a conquering wave of horseradish warriors that will have you crying like you just sat through the last scene of Old Yeller.

And finally, once the battle has ceased raging, you’re left alone with the broken remnants strewn across the foil wrapper like Longstreet’s infantry at Gettysburg. Oh, and don’t forget to wash it down with one of BAS’s artisan soda pops from around the country, such as the High Mountain Huckleberry from Jackson Hole Soda Co, which provided some sweet relief after that merciless horseradish devastation.

And that, my friends, is how we do lunch … downtown. One more thing, drinking buddies. One day I would like to be honored at BAS with a Bar Pilot Special. Tell me, what ingredients would a sandwich named for yours truly have on it?

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Tags: Food Carts

Happy Hour

Happy Hour of the Week

Civilized eats and atmosphere at Accanto

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Accanto is the little-sister cafe adjacent to decadent Italian eatery Genoa on SE Belmont. It’s in my neighborhood, and I walk by its large, scenic windows all the time, staring in at the tall, mirrored wall of liquors behind the stark wooden bar. I’ve even eaten there once—brunch, at the boyfriend’s behest. The atmosphere is convivial—quiet, low-lit, stylishly bistro-esque—and the food is decent: delicate, reserved, well made with fresh ingredients. So why can’t I bring myself to truly like you, Accanto?

Happy hour is daily from 3-6, weekdays from 9-10, and weekends from 10-midnight. Not bad. The nighttime stretch gives us working stiffs a decent window, which is great because honestly, if I have to rush to choke down a drink by 6, I’m not going to bother. Unfortunately, the menu isn’t particularly bountiful, with seven very civilized bites (i.e., small and painstakingly plated) ranging from $1.50 to $6; craft pints on draft (Everybody’s, Walking Man, Hopworks) for $3.50; “happy wine” (red or white) for $5; and a house-infused cocktail for $5. Last night the special happened to be gooseberry infused bourbon mixed with apricot puree and lemon juice, garnished with lime. Cue “danger” music.

Frankly, I’m not a whiskey gal. But by that time I had already decided that I wanted a cocktail, dagnabbit, so despite my belly’s brown-liquor dread, I ordered the daunting concoction. And guess what? I liked it. A delicious intro-to-bourbon drink, I decided. If you’ve had the Bye and Bye at the Bye and Bye, it tastes quite a bit like that—though less gut-wrenching and drunk-making, given the fact that it’s got only one spirit instead of two (and isn’t served in a jar the size of my head).

The boyfriend opted for the red, a light and refreshing Sangiovese that we both liked. Not being particularly drawn to any of the food items, like the marinated olives ($2) or the tomato, mozzarella, and rapini panini ($5), I ordered the “happy” soup of the day: a summery vegetable number, warm and broth-y with squash, kale, and zucchini, garnished with, to my best estimate, toasted baguette slices and shredded Parmesan cheese ($5). I wasn’t thrilled, but I also wasn’t disappointed.

Although it was only about an hour before close when we arrived (just in time for happy hour, naturally), and there was no exterior lighting, the server, rather hesitantly, let us sit outside. In retrospect, I think she made the right choice, because the boyfriend and I ended up getting into a heated philosophical debate about geometry, which probably would have disturbed the pristine nature of the indoors.

Not only did the server’s sound judgment win her points, but she was also very attentive at our table, and at the nearby table populated with Baby Boomers. And she was cute. I like places with an attractive wait staff—what can I say; I’ve got a well-developed aesthetic. Plus, her cute, trendy appearance was a great match to the cute, trendy décor.

Accanto’s not a bad place; it’s fine. I should like it and it’s not that I don’t. I think it’s the middle class, middle-aged bistro patron that fails to titillate me. God knows why (cue sarcasm). Accanto, I’m sorry—It’s not you, or your thoroughly modern fare, it’s me. If you want me back, you can find me down the street at the Vern, where I can yell about mathematics to my heart’s content.

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Tags: Happy Hour, Cocktails, Craft Beers, Cheap Eats

What to Do

Tiki Weekend!

Try a Polynesian Potpourri

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Ben Adams will be one of the participating artists in the Atomic Tiki group show at Elroy Artspace.

Just in case you didn’t get enough tiki at last weekend’s Tiki Kon festivities, we’ve got a whole slew of Polynesian cultural quests for you, the dedicated island lover.

Start tonight at the opening reception of Elroy Artspace’s Atomic Tiki group exhibition. More than just an art show, Atomic Tiki offers a peak into the larger cultural phenomenon whose icons include grass skirts, wooden masks, risqué native pin-ups, and that whole dreamy tropical island motif that was especially popular in the post-war years. Elroy Artspace is usually open 10-2, Tuesday through Friday, but tonight they will be open during First Thursday, from 5-9 PM.

Tomorrow night, grab dinner after work at Big Kahuna in St. Johns. The menu features local Hawai’ian-style meats with rice and, if you get the entrée meal, two sides (pick from tropical fruit, chili, or Paniolo beans*). I recommend the Kahlua pig rice bowl, or the entrée if you’ve got a big appetite. It’s just rice and pulled pork, but with the BBQ mild sauce (my fave), it’s flavor heaven. Their sauces are award winners for a reason.

Once you’ve stuffed yourself with an adequate portion of local kine grinds**, head over to The Alibi on N Interstate for some quality tiki time. Here you’ll experience the vestiges, in all their gaudy glory, of the 50s tiki culture phenomena you learned about at Elroy Artspace. Think of it as cultural field research. Order yourself up a super-sweet tropical cocktail, and get down with one of the rowdiest karaoke crowds in town.

On Saturday, grab an early dinner at Noho’s Hawaiian Café. Get there at about 5pm—it’ll give you enough time to eat and enjoy before your next task. The portions at Noho’s are huge, truly Hawaiian-sized, so don’t be put off by the daunting double-digit pricing. Anything I could possibly recommend is going to be ono***, but if I were you, I’d order the teriyaki steak. In fact, maybe I’ll just see you there.

Head over to the Keller Auditorium after dinner for the 7:30 showing**** of South Pacific. A World War II-era romantic comedy drawn from Michener’s Tales of the South Pacific (1946), the musical’s setting is, naturally, an island in the South Pacific. The beachy set and retro costuming (vintage swimsuits, classic sailor garb) will make you feel right at home. That is, if your home was a Polynesian island in the 1940s. Musical highlights include Broadway hits “Some Enchanted Evening,” “Bali Ha’i,” “I’m In Love With A Wonderful Guy” and “I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair.” And, as a special bonus to all of us ladies, I’ve been told that the actor playing the lieutenant (younger lead male) is easy on the eyes.

If you’re not totally tiki’d out by this point (and I’m betting you will be—run time for South Pacific is three hours!), head over to the Thatch Tiki Bar. It’s far more low-key than The Alibi, and the kitsch is at a more manageable level. Grab a post-musical Mai Tai and let the ambient music carry you and all your worries away. Maybe tomorrow you’ll dig up your bathing suit and hit the beach at Sauvie’s Island. Yeah, that sounds peaceful.

Finally, I’ll leave you with a tiki teaser for later this month: Hot Tiki Hell, a modern burlesque show at the Whiskey Bar. Tiki burlesque? That’s all you need to know.

*"cowboy" beans
**Hawai’ian food
***really tasty
****there’s also a showing at 2pm, if you’d prefer to do it before dinner.


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Tags: Weekend Plans, kitsch

Mark your calendar

Drinking Days Ahead

Beer, gin, rum, and more beer

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Yep, the major beer festivals are behind us, but fear not! There’s still plenty of opportunity to get your drink on and behave like a jackass this month.

Tomorrow (August 5) is International Beer Day. The video below explains this holiday’s mysterious origins. (Mild language)

Coincidentally, tomorrow is also the Hop & Vine’s two-year anniversary. How fortuitous! From 3 till closing, this butt-kicking little bistro will have live music, wine and cocktail specials, bangers and mash, and at least two extra-awesome beers available: Breakside Brewing’s Gator Boots Gose and Upright’s Old Barrel-Aged Apricot ale. And if all that fails to motivate you, be advised there will be cupcakes. Should be a blast. Owner and photogenic bartender Yetta Vorobik knows how to throw a party.

Still haven’t had enough carousing with your fellow brew believer? Then Saturday’s Fremont Fest Pub Crawl has your name on it. Between noon and 4 PM, you can plunk down $10 for a tasting mug and five tokens ($1 for additional tokens) that will buy you some craft beer samples from Double Mountain, Hopworks, Alameda Brewing, Upright, and Laurelwood at various stops along NE Fremont between 40th and 50th Avenue.

I confess that thanks to Food Network shows like Chopped and Iron Chef, I’ve become fairly obsessed with culinary competition. Like-minded nosh nerds will want to plop themselves on a stool at Couture Ultra Lounge next Monday night (August 9) at 8 for Bombay Sapphire’s Most Inspired Bartender challenge, where an A-list of local mixologists will brandish their swizzle sticks. The winner will represent Portland in the finals of this event being held in Las Vegas at the end of the month. Among the esteemed participants are Ricky Gomez from Teardrop Lounge; Urban Farmer’s Lance Mayhew; Mark Joseph from El Gaucho; and 50 Plates bartender JP Pierce, who tells me he’ll be preparing an Oregon Crusta (a traditional New Orleans cocktail), with gin and a fresh strawberry puree.

And finally, Monday, August 16 is National Rum Day. So go someplace and drink some rum. What, I have to plan everything? Try a little spontaneity for once in your life!

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Tags: Beer, Bar Culture, Gin, Rum, bar, bars

Mixology 101

My Liquor Cabinet Sucks!

Even so, cocktailbuilder.com can help

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It never fails. Whenever someone drops by and has the gall to say “yes” to my insincere offer of a cocktail (it was a rhetorical question! You know, like “Yeah, but what are you gonna do?”), my liquor cabinet will be drier than Alan Bennett’s wit.

Invariably I’ll have some rotgut brand of vodka, the last dribble of Old Grandad bourbon, and maybe some gin. And mixers? Ha! That’s a laugh. Like regular people have tonic water on the premises.

Luckily I discovered cocktailbuilder.com, and from now on I’ll be ready for any booze moochers that darken my doorstep. You simply enter the ingredients you have on hand and it will tell you which drinks you can make without a trip to the market.

At the moment I can make:

Bitter Orange

2 oz of gin
4 oz of orange juice
1-3 dash of bitters

Combine gin, juice and bitters in a shaker with plenty of ice. Shake well and strain into a collins glass with a couple of ice cubes.

Screwdriver

1 1/2 oz of vodka
4 oz of orange juice

Pour ingredients into a collins glass.

Gin & Tonic

1 part of gin
1 part of tonic

Serve over ice, garnish with a lime.

And something called a Presbyterian

3 oz of bourbon
ginger ale
sparkling water (or other mineral water)

Pour bourbon over ice cubes into a chilled highball glass. Add equal parts ginger ale and sparkling water. stir gently.

Now you give it a try and tell me what awesome cocktails you came up with—and I’ll be over shortly with my crazy straw!

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Tags: Cocktails

Happy Hour

Happy Hour of the Week

A Lucky Strike indeed!

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The awesome avocado shake.

A recent broiler of an afternoon found yours truly and his special lady friend parked and panting in the patio at Lucky Strike on SE Hawthorne. It shares the old Masonic Temple that also houses rowdy all-ages venue the Hawthorne Theater, occupying the former India Oven slot. The interior is dark and chummy, and the ceiling is painted a glitzy gold. A contented Buddha statue adorns the corner bar, a homey touch I’ve missed since the closing of Hung Far Low.

The Happy Hour (3-6 and 10-close) menu is a hoot. Under the “Drinks” section it reads, “Well drink, very good version $4.” To put this pronouncement to the test, my girlfriend ordered a screwdriver, which is her well standby. Since she used to tend bar herself, she can be awfully fussy about her cocktails. After an experimental sip, the verdict was in: “This is the best screwdriver I’ve had in years. Certainly the best one I’ve had since I moved to Portland,” she opined.

Any joint that actually takes a measure of pride in the preparation of its well drinks deserves a high five. In my experience, the Happy Hour well drink is about as enjoyable as casket shopping with an elderly relative. A fleeting splash of bathtub gin, a quick spritz from a sticky gun, and presto! You are the proud owner of a beverage fit for a Sterno-drinking hobo. I usually consider it a victory if my gin and tonic doesn’t cause blindness, insanity, or eat a hole in the table. Lucky Strike FTW!

Whilst my lovely inamorata happily lapped up her screwdriver, I ordered an avocado milkshake ($8 for the version with a healthy pour of gold rum in it) and several small plates of chow ($3-5). The shake is actually kind of fun to drink, and it comes with a huge bubble tea straw for power slurping. Imagine a silkier version of mashed potatoes (except with avocados) merrily blended with a dollop of yo-ho-ho juice. It’s a spendy concoction, true, but slugging it down is time well spent.

The better-than-average drinks at Lucky Strike are a bonus, ‘cause its raison d’etre is the sizzling Sichuan entrees. Our plate of green beans ($5) was so crowded with lethal red peppers that it put us in a Yuletide mood. The beans were perfectly cooked with just the ghost of a snap left in them. It’s also fun to share a plate and battle your companion with chopsticks to see who gets stuck with the most infernal beans.

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Guinness pork ribs. Smoky, sweet, salty, and soul satisfying.

The Guinness pork ribs ($5) are a smoky-sweet sensation, like meat candy on a stick. The Dan Dan noodles ($4) are practically smoldering with chili oil, but even so, the ground pork and scallions are not overpowered. And the Kung Pao chicken ($5) is tangy, hot, and refreshingly uncluttered—just chicken, peanuts, and the devilish Sichuan peppers—with no superfluous veggies (e.g., baby corn). Have I mentioned that the presence of baby corn in Chinese food makes me fly into a white-hot rage? Well, now you know.

Just to prove I’m not totally in the tank with Lucky Strike, I will say that the service is a little lackadaisical, though friendly and gracious. The place seems understaffed, but if the crowds keep queuing up, I would imagine a “Help Wanted” sign will soon be in the works. And in a city where decent Chinese food is harder to find than a yeti in the Sahara, that’s definitely a good sign.

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Tags: Happy Hour, Cheap Eats

Stage Presence

5 Questions for Kinky Friedman

Author, politician, songwriter, and cowboy philosopher speaks up

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Kinky Friedman is one cowpoke who doesn’t seem to mind wearing a whole bunch of different hats. He first attracted attention in the mid-70s as the leader of Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys, a rollicking revue responsible for such cockeyed country hits as “They Ain’t Making Jews Like Jesus Anymore” and “Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in the Bed.” The 1980s brought us Kinky 2.0, a best-selling writer of mystery novels that featured himself in the role of “consulting detective” along with a supporting cast of his actual friends and family. In sly tomes like Elvis, Jesus, and Coca-Cola, and A Case of Lone Star, the actual mystery that requires solving plays a distant second fiddle to Friedman and cohorts like former National Lampoon editor Larry “Ratso” Sloman, journalist Mike McGovern, and lesbian choreographer Winnie Katz arguing about food, espresso, and the sad fate of Hank Williams.

But wait, there’s more! Friedman, disgusted with the state of politics in his state, ran for governor of Texas in 2006, and with help from friends like Willie Nelson and the Dixie Chicks, he received 550,000 votes. Not bad for an unmarried Hebrew hick who loves dogs and cats and smokes a helluva lot of cigars.

Friedman is doing the music thing again, performing a set list of his finest tunes (“I haven’t written a new song in 25 years,” he confesses to me) tomorrow night at the Roseland. He’ll also be hawking books, telling stories, and shooting the bull with a roomful of clamoring fans. On a bummer note, he was hoping to have his buddy John Callahan, Portland’s most famous quadriplegic cartoonist open the show for him, but it was not to be. Callahan passed away last weekend.

The illustrious Mr. Friedman was kind enough to answer five questions for me in a phone call from his ranch in the heart of Texas.

Where’d you first meet Callahan?

It was about 10 years ago when I was in town at—what’s the name of that venue? The Roseland? I met John there and since then he’s illustrated a few of my books. And I’ve got a Callahan story in my book Kinky’s Celebrity Pet Files. But I’ve got a guy who might be interested in Callahan’s songs—some of them are excellent—Billy Bob Thornton. I think he has the vision, but I’ve got to get a copy to him. We’re working on a book deal together. Actually it started out as a book, but now it’s looking like a musical tour of Australia. It’d be Billy Bob, Billy Joe Shaver and myself.

You’re returning to the stage to play music. Is that something you’ll always come back to despite your many other commitments?

Oh yeah. Success distances you from your art and you can see the examples of Willie (Nelson), Bob (Dylan) and Kris Kristofferson—three really great writers who arguably haven’t written anything great in a while. Once you’re an icon you lose whatever you had that was making you miserable and most great work is made by people who don’t feel good. I strive to be significant. I’m 65 and I read at the 67-year-old-level and I’ve got my last will and testament down. When I die I’m to be cremated and my ashes thrown in Governor Rick Perry’s hair. I’m pretty well out of politics and I think if you fail at something long enough you become a legend—that’s what’s happened to me. It’s a giant step down from a musician to a politician, you know, it really is. And I’m ready to get back on the road. There’s something about music that has more truth to it than anything you hear in politics.

So you’re not going to run for governor again. What’s your take on politics at the moment?

I’m very disappointed with the government, with what they’ve done. I didn’t expect anything from BP. But as far as Obama’s concerned, the “yes we can” candidate going down to the gulf and saying “what do you expect me to do suck it up with a straw?” This is not exactly Winston Churchill here. I’m calling for term limits. I think every elected official should be limited to two terms—one in office and one in prison. I think that would do it. And I’ve suggested a new law where nobody from Harvard, Yale or the state of Texas can run for president.

You’re a pretty restless guy. Are you looking for a new frontier to conquer?.

I’m just kinda wandering in the raw poetry of time. I’m a prophet in his own country that’s my problem. That and being multi-talented that’s the real problem.

I had an idea. Maybe you could just send out an actor to appear on stage as you, kind of like what Hal Holbrook does with Mark Twain. You could call it “An Evening With Kinky Friedman.” What do you think?

John, that’s an excellent idea. I’d just need a bunch of Kinky impersonators and I’d still get a good share of the profit. You want to give it a try?

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