BAR PILOT

Distill My Heart

A crowd gathers at the Distillers Festival

Posted by: John Chandler on Oct 28, 2010 at 11:00AM 3 Comments

Absinthe? Don’t mind if I do!

It wasn’t quite a lost weekend, but I spent Saturday at the sixth annual Great American Distillers Festival taking place at the Tiffany Center on SW Morrison. A packed house of some 400 spirit enthusiasts glided to and fro, tasting tiny tipples of everything from absinthe to Zante grape liqueur. More than 50 vendors had set up shop which made it difficult to navigate the room without over-sampling. It was like Costco except the more I samples I tried, the happier I felt. Happiness, as everyone knows, is not an emotion normally associated with an afternoon at Costco. Just sayin’.

Ransom Spirits, the local purveyors of a very respectable Old Tom Gin, introduced the world to its new Whipper Snapper whiskey, a modestly aged and barely civilized blend that’s a bit unruly, but settles down nicely with the help of an ice cube or two. Pacific Distillery from Woondinville, Washington, proffered a sinfully smooth absinthe that will be right at home in my next sazerac. And I could well imagine myself getting into all kinds of mischief courtesy of Firefly Distillery’s (Charleston, SC) dangerously yummy sweet tea bourbon.

Of course, some of these daring drinks should be filed under “failed experiment.” New Holland’s (Holland, MI) “Hopquila” comes to mind. It was, as my mom used to say, “interesting.” Nuff said.

I also rubbed elbows with local distillers like Christian Krogstad from House Spirits as well as his former business partner Lee Medoff, who’s branching out with his own Bull Run Distillery brand. Reps from New Deal, Rogue, and McMenamins also were present and busy pouring their little hearts out. Perhaps the biggest surprise was the abundance of tequila merchants. Tequila fans had more than two-dozen varieties to savor. Sadly, there wasn’t a piñata in sight.

While the rest of us mingled and mused, the PDX Cocktail Invitational was taking place on stage, with 19 mixologists from up and down the West Coast squaring off in friendly competition, shaking up intriguing cocktails for a panel of judges and members of the public. The few entries I got to taste were superb. I was pulling for Park Kitchen’s Adam Robinson, who came up with a jaw-droppingly tangy mixture of Corrida tequila and blackberry root, but in the end, Ali Tahsini from San Francisco’s Bourbon & Branch took top honors for his Bell-Pepper sour, which he threw together in a Chopped-inspired showdown where the four finalists were asked to construct a cocktail from boxes of mystery ingredients. For the locals, Tommy Klus and Art Tierce from Bluehour placed third and fourth respectively. Way to represent, lads! As for you out-of-town hotshots? Just wait till next year.

Now where the hell did we park?

Add a Comment »

Tags: Cocktails, Festivals, Bartenders, Bartender Competition, House Spirits, Park Kitchen, Medoyeff Vodka

Happy Hour of the Week

Miho Izakaya is a worthy destination

Posted by: John Chandler on Oct 26, 2010 at 11:00AM 3 Comments

I am a heel. Either that or I should get a drivers license.

Miho Izakaya, the absolutely adorable (just like Hello Kitty!) Japanese eatery on N. Interstate has been open for an entire year. My buddy Michael Carothers is the co-owner and every time I see him I make all kinds of vague promises that I will soon be darkening his doorstep. But I’m a Southeaster and I tend to view other quadrants of town with suspicion. Besides, me no have car. So, armed with the flimsiest excuses imaginable, I’ve been putting off a visit for 13 months. I am a wretched reviewer. Commence throwing vegetables.

It turns out I’ve been missing out on some of the tastiest and most original small-plates in town, as well as a new go-to destination for group noshing. Miho Izakaya is a mere 16 minutes from downtown on the Yellow Line Max and I managed to transport my bulk with little effort. Located right across the street from The Alibi, MH resides in a rather humble house with a spacious patio that undoubtedly gets packed to capacity during warm weather. I’m not sure if it was just a side-effect of the dark, dank weather, but the little pub also exudes a very definite welcoming vibe. Not all Japanese houses are like this (see the film Hausu).

Slow-cooked pork and brussel sprouts. Nom, nom, nom.

The layout manages to be both intimate and expansive. There are three separate areas to kick back in, including a traditional tatami room for those who crave a genuine Japanese culinary experience—and who don’t mind kneeling throughout an entire meal. Since my knees have never recovered from an injury sustained on a top secret Black Ops mission, my friends and I opted for the Western-style seating accommodations.

The Happy Hour details are meager: Between 5-7 you can get $1 off cocktails and beer. But that’s not the reason you’re here. It’s the food, stupid. Depending on what’s happening at the farmers market, the colorful chalkboard menu displays between 25 and 30 plates, ranging in price from $2-10. From a crackling assortment of pickled veggies ($2) to the silky sashimi of the day ($10) everything is fresh and fabulous. Highlights of our group repast were numerous: the slow-cooked pork and brussel sprouts ($6) were nothing less than sensational. In fact, if the dish has pork on it, go ahead and order it. Covered in a toothsome, tangy plum sauce variant, the pork is falling to bits while the lightly cooked sprouts pack a bit of crunch. The sesame pork meat balls ($4) are huge, hearty, and seasoned with a sweet, smoky sauce that will energize your taste buds like a a bolt of lightening. The ahi tuna poke ($8), rather than drowned in sesame oil as is usually the case, is more of a snappy brine-and-onion bite, and tastes great even a day later when chomped down greedily from the to-go box. Did your starving days as a college student leave you scarred for life when it comes to ramen? Get over it. Both the pork and veggie ramen are robust and nurturing, and are quite capable of steaming the wind and rain right out of you. One other thing: if you don’t order the chicken and shrimp gyoza dumpling (a swell bargain at $4) you’ll regret it.

Forget your collegiate memories of ramen. This is a considerable upgrade.

The drinks play a supporting role to the vast spread of goodies, but they should not be overlooked. Miho Izakaya has a full bar, but the specialties are drinks made with shochu, a Japanese neutral spirit distilled from buckwheat, rice, or sweet potatoes, as well as varieties of saké. I had a Twisted Kite ($6), a smooth-sailing blend of shochu, lime, peach bitters, and ginger ale. There are domestic beers, regional craft beers, and tall bottles of Asian brands like Asahi, Sapporo, and Chang’s. With this menu, I prefer the latter group.

The most delightful aspect of time spent at Miho Izakaya is the instant feeling of camaraderie. The coziness of the space and the exotic nature of the entrees awaken a traveler’s sense of adventure. True, it’s a local joint, but it’s easy to pretend that you and your friends stumbled upon the quaint little place during an unexpected cloudburst during a sight-seeing afternoon in Kyoto. And since you’re all in this together, the sharing of plates is a given. Even vegetarians will be psyched with the menu options. They are indeed plentiful.

So what did I learn? Easy: stop being such a homebody and don’t be afraid of leaving the comfort zone. Travel broadens the mind as well as the waist.

Add a Comment »

Tags: Happy Hour, Cheap Eats, NoPo, Miho Izakaya

Beer! Beer! Beer!

There’s no escape from Night of the Living Ales

Posted by: John Chandler on Oct 20, 2010 at 10:00AM 3 Comments

Graphic courtesy My Two Cents Clothing

My favorite holiday is fast approaching and as you may recall from previous posts, it’s an occasion I treat with the fervor of a rabid Jehovah’s Witness.

Last year I called out for Halloween cocktail recipes and I’ll be dropping some knowledge on that particular subject very soon. In the meantime, I would advise the brew believers among you to make arrangements for Halloween night (Sunday, Oct 31) to attend the Night of the Living Ales pub crawl along NE 28th Ave.

You’ll need to buy a $5 wristband for this auspicious event (find out how here), which entitles the wearer to exclusive beers like Upright Brewing’s pinot barrel-aged brown ale, Double Mountain’s Bonne Idee Avec Kriek (a blend of Saison and cherry kriek beer), and Ninkasi’s Kraken, a strong ale as formidable as its name. The piece-de-resistance is a Peanut Butter Chocolate Oatmeal stout crafted by event organizers. Your host will be the lovely Lisa Morrison, aka The Beer Goddess, whose “Beer O’Clock” radio show broadcasts every Saturday at 3 p.m. on KXL. The crawl begins at Migration Brewing (2828 NE Glisan St) at 8 p.m., followed by stops at Spints Ale House, Beulahland, and Coalition Brewing.

In the words of event founder Ezra Johnson-Greenough, “I designed this pub crawl to be exactly what I would want to do for Halloween—it’s just good clean fun and great beer and drinks without being a wild out-of-control event. Don’t feel you have to wear a costume, though you have a far better chance of winning prizes if you do, and there will be some excellent prizes like gift cards to all the various pubs, T-shirts and more.”

Yes, you should wear a costume as prizes (e.g., brewery swag) will be awarded at each location. Besides, it’s Hallo-friggin’-ween and craft beer is way better for you than some lousy miniature Milky Ways.

Costume ideas? I’m all ears.

Add a Comment »

Tags: Events, Holiday Events, Craft Beers, Stumble Zone, Halloween, Ninkasi Brewing, Upright Brewing, Zombies, Spints Alehouse

So Long, Joe

Eugene drummer and swell guy passes

Posted by: John Chandler on Oct 18, 2010 at 04:00PM 6 Comments

Just learned of the passing of Eugene drummer Joe Brooks. His untimely death left everyone who knew him shaken and saddened.

He played drums with beer-basted Eugene punks Billy Jack seemingly forever and I worked with him at a copy shop for a whole year. He was bright, kind, and a really funny guy, the perfect comrade with whom to while away day after day of mind-numbingly repetitive toil. At one point, Joe, guitarist Bruce Hartnell of the Detonators, and I talked about forming a band called AC/Devo but it never happened. Joe, you are missed.

Just happened to find this video of Joe and his fellow members of Billy Jack singing an Irish tune at a St Paddy’s Day show 17 years ago.

Add a Comment »

Leisure Time

A few notes from a vacationing Bar Pilot

Posted by: John Chandler on Oct 13, 2010 at 11:00AM 1 Comments

Hola drinking buddies!

You may have noticed a lack of posts on my part lately for which I profoundly apologize. However, at the moment I’m enjoying the inactivity of vacation time and have been casually busying myself with other pursuits like arguing with the cable company over service and watching parking tickets pile up on our old Toyota Corolla parked out front.

But never let it be said I didn’t do the least I could do. I have, of course, been investigating new bars and reports on Circa 33, Hall of Records, the Globe, and Star Bar are in the offing.

I also was fortunate to be present at last week’s epic Guided By Voices show at the Crystal Ballroom which rattled the fillings right out of my bobbing head.

I will be back in the saddle next Monday, but until then here are a few words of wisdom from that emminent scholar Stephen Fry. Please replay this in your mind the next time you feel the need to correct my grammar or hassle me about punctuation.

Add a Comment »

Spot Inspection

Spot 79 on SE Foster is a mysterious venue

Posted by: John Chandler on Oct 05, 2010 at 03:00PM 7 Comments

Curb appeal? Not so much.

The first bar in Portland that I ordered a drink in was Spot 79. The first bar in Portland that ever declined my credit card was Spot 79. And the first bar in Portland that I was “cut off” in was Spot 79. In fact, I think it was all during the same visit. Anyway, it was a while ago, and my memories are dim.

But even though I’ve been patronizing this SE Foster enclave (off and on) for 20 years, I know very little about its history and origin. I know it’s been remodeled a few times; it used to be the home of karaoke hosted by a very outgoing female impersonator; there was a Portland band named after it in the 90s; and a friend’s grandfather cooked there for like 30 years “back in the day.” Unfortunately, a few internet sweeps on the subject of Spot 79 reveals precious few clues.

Let me tell you about our specials.

My posse and I dropped by last Friday for steak and cocktails—and for $14.95 you can’t beat the 11 oz. prime rib with salad, potato (the skinny fries are the way to go), veggies, and Texas toast. True, we’re not talking Kobe beef here, but as my friend Scott likes to say, “It’s the best $25 steak for $15 in town.” He ought to know. He lives across the street.

We also had several rounds of Cream Soda ($4.50), the cocktail special of the moment. Made from Captain Morgan’s rum, Tuaca, and Seven-Up on the rocks, the drink tastes exactly like its name—but can cause a headache if consumed immodestly.

All this for $14.95. Yes, you will need a doggie bag.

As a devotee of Portland landmarks, and a fan of the old American steakhouse scene of the 50s and 60s, I was hoping a village elder could fill me in on some historical data about Spot 79. You know the drill: tales of lovers betrayed, legendary characters, gangland slayings—that sort of thing. Sure, it’s been retrofitted as a sports bar and karaoke lounge, but Spot 79’s dark crimson decor and air of faded elegance are a living link to the Mad Men era of smartly tailored threads, huge slabs of red meat, and zaftig dames in pencil skirts. I’m listening!

NOTE: Don’t forget to fill out our Portland Monthly drinking survey. You could win a $100 gift certificate to the Ten 01. Not too shabby, eh?

Add a Comment »

Happy Hour of the Week

The news is mostly good at the Original

Posted by: John Chandler on Oct 01, 2010 at 02:00PM 3 Comments

The meatloaf sliders hit the spot.

Since its opening a year ago May, the Original has been taunting me. I can see it from my office window. And if I can get my head to turn like Linda Blair’s, I can see the dessert display case. There’s comfort in knowing that a serviceable slice of pie is like 30 seconds away.

Make no mistake, comfort is king at the Original, multitasking as a clean, comfy coffee shop, diner, and bar to the adjacent Courtyard Marriott on SW Oak St. Its proximity to the hotel is both a blessing and a curse, but for the most part the Original morphs with remarkable grace.

The Good News: The daily Happy Hour (4:30-6, boo!) is plentiful and priced to move. There are 20 items between $2-5 and you can drink pints of PBR for a buck. Also, the waitstaff is punctual without being pushy and friendly without being obsequious. Their mixture of hustle and good humor is a genuine pleasure, especially considering Portland’s reputation for slacker servers.

The Happy Hour chow is a mixed bag, but you can’t go wrong with the finger food. The meatloaf sliders ($4 a pair) hit the spot with the hearty ground beef coated in gooey melted Swiss and topped with a couple crunchy gherkins. The BLT Deviled Eggs ($4 for 3) will inspire a double take thanks to the purple coloring. Your amiable server will cheerfully explain that the eggs were boiled in beet juice to give them a little flavor boost, though the whipped tomato filling and the shard of bacon are more than capable of tickling your tastebuds. The chili cheese fries ($4) are a near-miss; the fries are crispy and seasoned perfectly, but the cheese is bargain brand. And the chili? Needs more “ooomph.” A few shakes of Tabasco remedied the situation nicely.

The Punch was pleasing.

For washing down your victuals, you can go with a house red or a house white ($4), the aforementioned Pabst, or you can have a glass of Punch ($4). I opted for the latter and was glad I did. The Original Punch is a tangy, invigorating blend of berry-flavored rum, blueberry puree, and lemonade. It’s one of those cocktails you can toss back with impunity till a trip to the restroom reveals your unsteady pins. I had two before switching to Rogue Dead Guy and that seemed about right. My stint as a deck hand on a fishing boat left me with a rolling gait, anyway.

The Bad News: Spice, or a lack thereof. The pierogi ($5), the lamb meatballs ($5, served with tiny toast tiles), and the chili were all bland as paste. This is where the hotel factor comes into play. About five years ago I got stuck on a Greyhound next to one of the last of a dying breed—an actual traveling salesman. This fellow sold batteries door to door (sad!) and had spent most of his adult life on the road. “Don’t eat spicy food when you’re traveling,” he told me. “It can cause all kinds of problems.” And he left it at that.

The lamb meatballs needed more heat.

I always thought the guy was a fruitcake, but there must be some truth to his mantra, because every Happy Hour item at the Original that had a sauce component seemed better suited for a senior citizen’s palate. Hot sauce or Tabasco are an improvement, but the overall lack of fire in the broth was anything but comforting.

I’ll be back, though. It’s a superior sit-down dining option in a part of town where they’re mighty scarce. I’ll just make sure I have a bottle of Secret Aardvark Sauce hidden in my boot.

Add a Comment »

Tags: Happy Hour, Cheap Eats, The Original

Open-Closed

In with the new bars—out with the old

Posted by: Geoff Earl on Sep 30, 2010 at 10:00AM 4 Comments

The Egyptian Room on SE Division—soon to be Weird Bar?

It’s getting harder and harder to get a drink these days. Seems like every time we return to an old haunt, we’re newly confused by fresh paint and unfamiliar signage. Here’s a little update on local bars to save you the shame and embarrassment of being out of the know.

Opening

The newest addition to the block of SE Belmont Street between 33rd and 34th avenues is Circa 33. This tasteful watering hole comes from the folks who brought you North 45 and Paddy’s, and will soft-open tomorrow (Friday). Circa 33’s location fits the same criteria that’s made North 45 a success. The Sunnyside neighborhood qualifies as a “high-destination” district with the potential to develop a cadre of regulars from around the way. Rumors of a secret “speakeasy” room and a menu of smoked entrees are circulating.

Lower Burnside gets even hipper with the Sizzle Pie and Quality Inn. The much-anticipated late-night thin-crust pizza parlor and adjoining liquor bar is scheduled to open sometime before Halloween.

Since August 21, Hall of Records has graced the Sunnyside Strip, taking up residence in the western half of the former It’s A Beautiful Pizza space. Is it a bar in a record store? Or a record store in a bar? The anomalous beer-wine-records-sandwiches format may be a stretch in most places, but on a block that also houses Stumptown Coffee, the Aalto Lounge and St. Cupcake, Hall of Records is a natural fit.

Closed for good

After six-and-a-half years at the corner of SE 21st Ave and Clinton Street, Charlie’s Clinton Corner Café (more commonly known as Clinton Corner) owner Charlie Gallipeau has called it quits. The restaurant and bar played its swan song on Tuesday night. Gallipeau blamed hard economic times and rising rents as the reasons for the Clinton Street staple’s demise.

Portland’s version of CBGB, Satyricon, will be shuttered for good at the end of October, but they ain’t going quietly. The month will be stuffed with legendary locals showing up for reunion shows, punk-rock wakes, or just a final chance to pour some liquor out for the homies. The Dandy Warhols, Richmond Fontaine, Big Daddy Meatstraw, Sugarboom, Quasi, and a cabaret curated by Kitty Diggins are among the festivities. There’s more info at the Farewell Satyricon Facebook page.

Closed (for now?)

After 56 years, Woodstock Boulevard institution the Lutz Tavern will close its doors tonight (technically tomorrow at 2:30 AM). A Lutz bartender I talked to cited slow sales and the all-too-common economic strain of the times as the reasons for the Lutz’s tragic end. But there’s still hope for the venerable old gal. The original owners may try to revive the Lutz at a later date.

Metamorphosis

Rumors of the Egyptian Room’s demise are only half-truths. The long-running lesbian enclave is removing its shingle from the corner of SE 37th and Division on October 9. But later in the month, the same ownership will reopen the place as Weird Bar, a joint that promises to be a bit more inclusive. The metamorphosis is already underway in one-third of the E-Room’s labyrinthine three-bars-within-a-bar layout.

Add a Comment »

Tags: Bar Openings, Southeast, Bar Closings, Egyptian Room

Dan Aykroyd Redux

Or, what would I do for free vodka?

Posted by: John Chandler on Sep 28, 2010 at 12:15PM 8 Comments

The line to see Dan Aykroyd. Note the woman with the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man doll.

“What if I don’t want to see Dan Aykroyd?”

The guy in the 4 × 4 pickup was really irritated. It was stupefyingly hot in the parking lot and he wanted nothing more than to slip into Jantzen Beach’s Stateline Liquors and pick up a fifth of something. Instead, there was a line of 200 citizens stretched out the door, some clutching movie memorabilia, awaiting the opportunity to get a picture and autograph with Blues Brother, Ghostbuster, and artisan distiller Dan Aykroyd, who was on the premises stumping for Crystal Head vodka.

Fortunately, customers were ushered directly in. But if you were waiting for an audience with Dr Detroit, you would have to stand outside in the record humidity perspiring like a galley slave. This is the predicament that myself and two boon companions found ourselves. Considering we’d already suffered the torments of the damned in bumper-to-bumper traffic just to get there, we were in no mood to be patient. Besides, Dan (yep, first-name basis) told me just to go to the front of the line. Sure, no problem.

Me and Dan Aykroyd.

In an act of pure desperation I handed the guy at the door my business card and told him that Dan (yep, first-name basis) was expecting me. I did not foresee success and the folks at the front of the line giggled sympathetically at the utter lameness of my chicanery.

Perhaps Bacchus, the Roman god of spirits and intoxication took pity on me, because the next thing I knew my friends and I were brought face-to-face with the man himself. Nattily attired somewhere between golf pro and paramilitary groupie, Aykroyd jumped up from behind his table and said, “John! Look everyone! It’s John Chandler one of the region’s best writers, researchers, and archivists.” We posed for a few pictures and he gave me a fifth of Crystal Head vodka, embellishing it with a drawing of a flying saucer and the heartfelt sentiment, “John! Cheers! Dan Aykroyd.” And throughout this three-minute brush with greatness my mind was completely blank. I think I said, “Thanks.”

My autographed bottle of Crystal Head vodka.

Speaking of spirits, I beseech all of my drinking buddies to take our Portland Monthly drink survey, in order to help us better understand your habits, preferences, and obsessions when it comes to bellying up to the bar. One lucky participant will win a $100 gift certificate for dinner at the Ten 01.

Add a Comment »

Tags: comedy

Five Minutes With Dan Aykroyd

Comic actor chats about his Crystal Head Vodka

Posted by: John Chandler on Sep 24, 2010 at 04:00PM 11 Comments

Who ya gonna drink?

Since his formative days on the original Saturday Night Live Canadian funny man Dan Aykroyd has left a singular imprint on pop culture through his portrayals of a whole galaxy of quotable comic characters (Beldar Conehead, Elwood Blues, Ghostbuster Ray Stanz, and Fred Garvin, male prostitute, among about a zillion others). One of the actor’s sideline ventures, Crystal Head vodka, blends his love of spirits (he’s also been in the wine business since 2003) with an unabashed devotion to spiritualism that’s run in his family for several generations. Crystal Head is a premium pure vodka created by Aykroyd that’s made with water from an aquifer in Newfoundland—and now available in some 20 national markets. It’s a damned distinctive vessel to say the least—designed by Aykroyd’s friend, the artist John Alexander, who was inspired by Day of the Dead imagery. I first blogged about it last summer while cooling my heels at the Penguin Pub in Sellwood.

I chatted with Aykroyd by phone in advance of Monday’s appearance at Stateline Liquor in North Portland (1190 N Jantzen Ave) from 3-5 pm, where he’ll be hawking his hooch and presumably signing memorabilia and answering probing questions about Elwood’s favorite harmonicas, the status of Ghostbusters III, and the immortal catchphrase “Jane, you ignorant slut!”

Right off the bat it became apparent Aykroyd is a speedy talker who needs no questions to get rolling on a subject, so I’ve extracted a few of his zestier comments.

On promoting his Crystal Head vodka: “Now John, in my time I’ve sold some bad movies. I might come to your town and sit down on a Wednesday and tell you that the movie I’m in that opens on Friday is going to be the biggest comedy hit in history. Knowing it was going to die, knowing it was going to fail. (Crystal Head vodka) is a winner. I’m riding a winner and it feels good to talk about it.”

On the water that goes into Crystal Head vodka: “Vodka starts with water. Newfoundland has the cleanest water in North America. It was never subject to the Erie plume. The Erie plume was all that acid rain that flowed out of the Erie basin when railroads and coal and industrial production started in America in 1900. Newfoundland is 1000 miles away from all that and the Erie plume never touched the glacial aquifer water of Newfoundland. So, this is the water we use along with our proprietary mash. Our moment of triumph came when Anthony Dias Blue (author of The Complete Book of Spirits gave us a 91 point rating. And he noted it was, ‘vanilla, sweet, dry, crisp, with a kick of heat off the finish.’ And when I read that I knew we’d be able to make a screwdriver where I can feel the alcohol. We’re proud of it. We’re proud that we’re returning vodka to the old ways—water and mash. And the consumers are responding. We just produced our one millionth bottle.”

On being perceived as eccentric due to his belief in the paranormal: “Are you serious? In this world? With 54 percent of people believing in the paranormal? Look at all the television shows. Look at all the people who tell you ghost stories. Look at Arthur Conan Doyle’s books, Sir Oliver Lodge’s books. Charles Richet’s books—he was the one who coined the word ‘ectoplasm’. This is part of our world. If I’m going to be seen as eccentric in this light then you can probably lump about 100 million other people in with me. Let’s all link arms and tell everyone that there’s much more to this world we live in.”

On the history of the Crystal Skulls: “The Navajo, the Aztecs, and the Mayans allude to them in their literature as devices that were given to them by ‘star children’, which is certainly the view that Spielberg took in the movie (Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull), that they’re scrying devices from beyond the stars used to determine the past, the present, and hopefully a positive future for the tribe. … Now I’ve never seen one, but the most beautiful of them is the Mitchell-Hedges skull, which is referenced in the Indiana Jones movie, and it was found in Yucatan in the late 1920s by a 12-year-old girl who was accompanying her grandfather there. It resided in my home province of Ontario, Canada for several years. And everyone who saw the skull unveiled—it was kept, appropriately, in a Crown Royal bag—had an almost ecstatic, orgasmic feeling. They could only take it for about 10 minutes and then they had to leave the room, but it was a very positive, very healing experience. We’re talking about healing positive energy here. So we don’t put any junk in the bottle.”

On delays in the release of Neighbors his 1981 film with John Belushi on DVD: “I wish I knew. That was one I’d like to have in my collection, we had a lot of fun making it. I’ll have to get in touch with those guys and see what’s going on.”

Below, noted author and all-around smart guy John Hodgman gives Crystal Head vodka a taste test.

Add a Comment »

Indulge? Why Yes, I Did

Getting stuffed for a good cause rules!

Posted by: John Chandler on Sep 24, 2010 at 10:30AM 7 Comments

The octopus potato salad from Tabla (lower right). I asked for extra tentacles with mine.

The name of the event was Indulge 2010 and that’s 100 percent accurate. This eastside bacchanal was held at the Jupiter Hotel last night, bringing together local independent food/drink-based businesses for a massive small-plate pig-out to raise money for Ecotrust’s Food and Farms Program. I’m still waiting for info on the dollar-amount raised, but the astounding taste memories of the artisan entrees and spirits are firmly lodged in my hippocampus—a word which also describes my swollen belly this morning.

ITEM: I have to say I was most surprised by the two dishes proffered by Doug Fir. When I’m on the premises cooling my heels before or after a rock show, I usually order a burger, soup, or similar simple fare. After having been introduced to the tangy and substantial corn-crusted green tomatoes with lime aioli and mango salsa, as well as the smokin’-hot pulled pork sliders, I now must reconsider my options.

ITEM: Bakery Bar’s mini ice cream sandwiches deserved a standing ovation. An innocent-looking glob of sour cream-candy apple ice cream (!) stuffed between two homemade gingerbread crackers was all it took to reduce me to a gibbering fugue state. Sadly, they saw through my clever Groucho glasses-nose-mustache disguise when I went up for thirds and the good-natured gals working the table were forced to put out a restraining order. Hopefully they’ll blame Groucho.

Fried green tomatoes from Doug Fir. Nom, nom, nom.

ITEM: The gnocchi with oxtail ragout from Genoa rocked, but it was only doled out by the spoonful. I would have preferred it if they’d filled my Ikea bag as requested, but apparently gourmet chefs are a stingy bunch.

ITEM: The sweets created by the Xocolatl de David chocolates—especially the s’mores with scratch-made marshmallows—were all objects worthy of obsession.

ITEM: The House Spirits Distillery room was packed to the gills when I tried to worm my way in for the much-raved-about Slabtown Old Fashioned. Instead I stopped by Integrity Spirits for a lethal mixture of chai, Hazelnut vodka, and Bailey’s Irish Cream. Sounds like a sissy drink. It wasn’t. Things got a little fuzzy after that and my attempt to start an impromptu conga line was met with stony indifference.

ITEM: Tabla had two of the best dishes—and one colorful misfire. The Spanish octopus and fingerling potato salad was an example of picnic food fit for royalty and the duck confit lollipop wrapped in a chestnut crepe was off the hook. However, I just flat-out didn’t get the goat cheese and watermelon skewer. I blame my peasant’s palate.

Hey! It’s me on the TV!

ITEM: The event was chock-a-block with tweeters as evidenced by a large monitor located in one of the chill-out rooms. Anyone affixing their tweets with #indulge2010 could then see their thoughts crawl down the page on the big screen. It was a totally meta experience to be texting on my phone and then watching my pithy comments appear before a roomful of people. The reviews were generally glowing.

Add a Comment »

The Pirate’s Life

Intern Geoff Earl serves as a buccaneer bouncer at the Portland Pirate Festival

Posted by: Geoff Earl on Sep 22, 2010 at 02:00PM 8 Comments

Photo: Geoff Earl

It was an awesome gathering of pirates, but no record.

View Slideshow » Photo: Geoff Earl

It was an awesome gathering of pirates, but no record.

View Slideshow » Photo: Geoff Earl

Despite foul weather enthusiasm could not be dampened.

View Slideshow » Photo: Geoff Earl

Make that fowl weather.

View Slideshow » Photo: Geoff Earl

With nary a doubloon in sight, many a stout-hearted seaman was forced to improvise.

View Slideshow » Photo: Geoff Earl

“Arrrr! Me parrot flew the coop!”

View Slideshow » Photo: Geoff Earl

Pirates on parade!

View Slideshow » Photo: Geoff Earl

Yo ho ho and a bottle of … regional craft beer?

When I got the call from the temp agency, and the voice on the other end asked me if I wanted to be a bouncer (“alcohol monitor” was the actual job title) at the Portland Pirate Festival, I had to say yes. It was just too strange an opportunity to pass up. For two days I would make sure that thousands of reveling pirates conformed to Oregon Liquor Control Commission drinking laws.

What had I gotten myself into? Having never been to a pirate festival, and knowing nothing about the people that attend them, my imagination vacillated between a Caribbean version of the Society for Creative Anachronism and a seafarer’s Sturgis.

I arrived at Cathedral Park in St Johns early Saturday morning and instead of a long red coat and musket, I was issued a bright yellow T-shirt with the words “alcohol monitor” emblazoned across the back. Rumors were circulating about an astronomical number of scurvy dogs gathering under the St. Johns Bridge in an attempt to establish a world record for pirates assembled in one spot. As ill-forutne would have it, the effort fell just short, but I was still impressed by the high turnout—especially considering it was raining buckets.

I spent my tour of duty wagging a finger at an army of rum-guzzling scalawags strapped to the gills with swords, whips, flintlocks, daggers, belaying pins, blunderbusses, and harpoons, putting a stop to overt drunkenness and contraband alcohol smuggling (the things pirates enjoy most of all). Fortunately for me, while festival pirates are infatuated with vintage gear, they’re not gun freaks or re-enactors (although the smell of black powder and the roar of cannon fire did get the their riggings in a bunch).

For most of Saturday I stood in the rain in front of Oberon’s Tavern (the festival beer garden), where my charges were captains all, mostly men with big hats and ornately decorated coats who told tales of far-away pirate festivals to maiden and wench alike. It turns out you don’t need much of a crew to pilot a motor home or fly coach (though first mates and li’l swashbucklers accompanied many captains courageous). Thankfully, the beer-garden buccaneers were more Ren Faire than rebel biker gang.

It could’ve been so different (i.e., worse). After all, the biggest part of a pirate’s pirate-ness is his or her voracious appetite for rum, grog, and ale. Even a sober pirate has to act the part, and pirates act drunk and crazy. (Not to mention, Sunday was National Talk Like A Pirate Day.) There are no exceptions—not even for the young or the lily-livered. When asked, many a boisterous buccaneer would drop his faux-English accent and politely reply, “I’m not drinking. I’m just being a pirate.”

Add a Comment »

Tags: Festivals, Portland Pirate Festival, St Johns