New Bars = Zero Ambience
So why am I here?
Posted by: John Chandler on Nov 09, 2009 at 02:00PM
15 Comments
This post is kind of a rant. A reasonable rant, but a rant just the same.
It was my intrepid drinking buddy Lucy who made the following vital observation as we were out bar hopping on Saturday night. “The problem with these new bars is that they might as well be coffee shops,” she said. And at that moment everything that had been bothering me about investigating the latest watering holes became crystal clear.
I’ve been to three brand new Portland bars in the last week, and I couldn’t find much to say about any of them. The drinks were fine, the bar menu adequate, the service attentive. So how come I didn’t want to return to any of them?
Because I was bored stiff. None of the rooms engaged me in the slightest. Nothing about these places encouraged me to stay a while.
All three of the bars I visited were sterile, scrubbed, and sorely lacking in any sort of atmosphere. All three were basically just rooms with booze in them. Cement walls, tables and chairs, a few TVs, exposed ducts, and not much else. I’ve been in Kinkos that had more bonhomie. See, if I wanted to drink in a dull, nondescript room, I have my house!
When I was in high school, any safe harbor to sneak a forbidden sip or two was enough. A basement, a park, a tree house, under a bridge, it didn’t matter. Now I require a space that embraces my battered psyche, with a design sensibility that helps diffuse my ever-escalating rage levels.
This is not to say I prefer to tipple in rat-infested hell holes, but you can’t fake heart and soul. What kind of bar is it? Where’s the polished wood accents? Where are the old timers? Where’s the food? (Sidebar: If I go to one more joint where my only chow options are salads and sandwiches, I’m gonna have a kanipshin. Yes, I am aware that starting up a business is expensive and risky, especially in this leaky boat of an economy, but a toaster oven and a lettuce crisper is not a kitchen.)
Note to would-be bar owners: It is crucial that your establishment have an inviting vibe, preferably with seating that you can melt into. Music should be at conversation level. It should have a sense of time and place, an idea, a concept, an aesthetic. Four walls and some chairs aren’t enough. Not if you want my drinking dollar. I need a destination that’s worth getting to.
This is why I bemoan the passing of kitsch-cool spots like Henry Ford’s and the Rose & Raindrop. This is why I like drinking at Dots, or the Matador, or My Father’s Place. It’s also why I like Beaker and Flask. There’s an ineffable warmth. A soul perhaps. A beating heart.
Am I being overly fussy? Wouldn’t surprise me a bit. Am I effectively articulating what’s wrong with the latest crop of bars in Portland? I haven’t the foggiest. Am I a grumpy old fart? Guilty.
I need some feedback. Please chime in with your own opinions. What do you look for in a bar? Should it be more than a stool and a tall boy?
Tags: Bar Openings
My new favorite bar is Leisure in St. John’s. I have to drive 20 minutes to get to it (living in Hillsdale). They have great drinks, good ambiance and a decent menu. And the bartenders are nice. They remind me of Jim from the office.
Also really like the happy hour at 10-01 (though it’s easy to run up a big bill, even at happy hour prices).
Ambiance matters. What also matters is not overly smug/snooty waitstaff. Being in your presence is not a privilege, snooty waiter type, especially if you smell.
I can’t find a good bar in SW. If I could, I’d be happy to frequent it.
It’s like the ‘modern’ condos and houses where everything’s square. No sense of history, soul or warmth, let alone a timeless aesthetic.
I want something un-PC, a bottom dwelling regular, a scummy beer no place else has, a wooden Indian, maybe a micro-regional theme fo some sort.
I also think the smoking ban had a lot to do with this, my folks (who don’t smoke) always said they’d rather hang out in the blue-tinted dinge section- ‘Smokers are more interesting’
Along with every selfish parent in town now demanding the right to bring brats into a damn BAR.
I’d say you’re right on target, BP. In fact, I would go so far as to say that ambiance is the #1 thing I look for in any bar. Of course, ambiance is a subjective thing, and sometimes a bar can stand or fall based on some seemingly minor accoutrement. For example, I always love it when the Slammer puts up all their Christmas lights in the winter. It makes the place a must-stop for me at least once during the holiday season.
Spot on, ParBilot. In echoing the other comments, it’s why I only enjoy mid-Southeast bars these days. Not just the usual Hawthorne suspects (Angelo’s, BOG, Space Room, Vertigo) but also those a tad out of the hipster region (Gator’s, Coasters and Mama Maria’s, on Powell come to mind) that teem w/working-class patrons and touches (cheesy bar signs, pool tables). Can’t explain it. That’s not to say new is bad. As you mentioned, Beaker and Flask seems really cool (haven’t been yet, but happened in there when they were closed and the place seemed warm), and Hopworks is, family-friendliness aside, a treasure in waiting). But, yeah, what’s the last great new downtown bar? The new thing on top of Macy’s? No, don’t think so. Too much effort. The new Virginia Cafe? I don’t have the heart to go in there. The new Paddy’s? Please. The wall of booze remains but the new owners seem intent on following the fern/tourist trap model. It’s reaching the crisis point. Maybe that new place by Pok Pok owners (Whiskey Soda Lounge? forgot the name) will save us.
amen, brother!
all my favorite watering holes are relics – the kind of place with history and a unique, unfakeable vibe (yes, i know that’s not a real word…) those kinds of places usually have to be worn in.
i like unpretentious establishments with good lighting (i.e. not too much of it.) i like it when bartenders remember my drink. i like feeling like i’ve wandered into someone’s version of ‘cheers’ – it doesn’t have to be mine, but there needs to be at least a couple regulars and a palpable feel of camaraderie. the music should sit nicely in the background – loud enough to wander off to mentally if you’re alone and quiet enough to permit conversations that don’t require wild gesticulation to get your point across. plenty of seating a must – i’m getting old, and it’s nice to be able to sit and catch up with friends!
it doesn’t take a lot of cash to create ambience. a great bartender will – as a crazy former bartender at the brick tavern in roslyn once put it – “throw the party.” invest in a great staff and you’re already most of the way there…
I just want to know Bridget’s secret route to Leisure. I live in Kenton (due west on Lombard) and I swear it takes me 20 minutes to drive there. Wormhole? BTW, Leisure used to have an Eeyore of a BT, but she thankfully moved on and I have put it back on my list.
As for the gist of the post, John, you’re dead-on. There are a lot of places completely bereft of personality, including with the BTs. I have a couple go-to joints, but hell if I’m going to advertise them here (they’re doing fine w/o the subsequent hoards that would undoubtably descend upon them after reading this blog.) And the best are long gone (Henry Ford’s, the real Driftwood Room and VC, Jasmine Tree, etc.), though there are still a couple good old skool joints I like (Poor Richard’s, Blue Diamond.)
I’m starting to take a more conservative tack w/ my $: forget the new places until the bridge and tunnel crowd has moved along and I’ve heard good things from trusted sources, and keep spending at the joints that need to stay in business to keep Portland, Portland.
Maybe it’s the economy. Either these new owners are terrified to commit by spending any $ on decor, or it took every cent they had to open the doors. Maybe they are banking on the “if you build it they will come” principle. But they aren’t going to actually unpack until people start to show up. That’s just backwards. People aren’t going to show up, and stay if it’s sterile and uncomfortable. Come on bar owners, put your hearts in it, we CAN stay home and drink very comfortably and cheaply with our friends, you gotta make it worth our while. I’m just sayin.’ P.s. To Aitch, the laws of physics work a little differently for Bridget. Trust me.
I agree. Warmth is key—both in ambiance and in temperature. I understand minimalism is considered chic, but if your place is so minimalistic as to appear Spartan, where’s the fun of that? Those sorts of places remind me of those ultraskinny supermodels: They may take a very pretty picture, but I doubt it’s very comfortable to sit on their laps.
Ah, I really miss the Rose and Raindrop and hope the ghosts of her whores scare the hell out of that bank that rolled over it. Music makes a huge difference to me no matter what the decor. Inexpensive fix. All you snobby bartenders can suck it, a dealbreaker for me no matter how great the place may otherwise be. And what is it with the dives that are so compelling? There’s a place on Division around 110th called the Rumpus Room calling to me and as soon as I can talk a big guy into going with me I will. I’m not into video crack but the BT at Blue Monk on Belmont let us roll the dice to get a call martini for the well price and I loved that. Hey BP, without naming names, let us know whether the boring places are still here in three months’ time.
I’m somewhat offended that you so publicly state you were “bored stiff” in my presence. The rest of your rant is right on, though. What ever happened to theme bars? Back in the old days every bar served the same drinks as every other bar, so they had to distinguish themselves some other way. You’re under the sea! No, you’re in a Olde Englishe forge! No an igloo! And back then bars didn’t have windows, so the fantasy was easier to maintain.
Sorry Lucy. Your conversation and card tricks were as delightful as always. It just seemed like we were drinking in a succession of bunkers. Where have you gone Trader Vics? The cultural homogenization continues unabated.
…that one day there will be a bar. This bar will have drinks made to knock you over in one go. No watered down over-priced stinkers with flowers in them for false attempts at fancy. There will be a stage for dancers, acrobats, circus clowns, aerialists, fire dancers and breathers. The works. There will even be carnival attractions like throwing darts at balloons, and test your strength. The food will be roasted on a spit for all to see. There will be peanut shells on the floor. And, on special occasions, the wait staff will walk on stilts. Above the entrance the sign will say, “Enter as strangers, leave as friends.” And the ambiance will say “Come as you are. Give me your tired, your thirsty, your poor, and most of all your freaks.” I have a dream.
PREACH IT, Johnny!!
I love nice architecture in a bar, myself… and thank the McMennamins for saving so many nice old buildings. Like the Little Chapel of the Chimes on Killingsworth — gorgeous space. BUT I would kinda like it if someone working that bar would actually act like they wanted to take my order, and I don’t like being chased from one cozy room to another to escape the onslaught of “adorable” little brats. (At least the chain seems to have mostly fixed the flacid fries problem.)
The combination above drove me across the street to the Florida Room and I have been HAPPY AS A CLAM ever since.
Hmmm. The subject of rug rats in the bar has been coming up a lot lately. We might need a column to address this. I personally feel that unless a kid can produce a halfway decent fake ID, they should leave us grownups in peace—or at least wait patiently in the car for Mommy and Daddy to get a proper buzz on.
There’s a few things that keep me from returning to a bar or pub, but number one on the list are the crumb-snatchers. Maybe more irritating are the parents who decide that bringing their screamers to a relatively quiet adult drinking establishment was a good idea. In their SUV’s with the obligatory bumper sticker about their kid being an honor student (puke in mouth)
I know it’s tough to keep your doors open, you bar and pub owners. And I know that you can’t turn away the little families that show up with their credit cards ready for use. But PLEASE, did you really have to set up that play area? (Fanno Creek Brewpub).
If I wanted to drink a beer at a day care, I would have killed myself first.