Four Loko Update
It tastes really bad. Really, really bad.
Posted by: John Chandler on Nov 15, 2010 at 10:00AM
13 Comments
An addendum to my previous post on Four Loko.
Christie Scott, a public affairs specialist for the OLCC was nice enough to call me back with a status report. The commission is currently reviewing the possible removal of alcoholic energy drinks from stores in Oregon. They’re also consulting with the attorney general’s office about whether or not these drinks are in violation of existing laws.
I sincerely hope that the OLCC’s evidence gathering does not include a taste test. On Saturday night, I cowboyed up and took two swigs of my recently purchased can of Lemon Lime Four Loko. I figured it was going to be disgusting, but I wasn’t prepared for the unfathomable depths of vile awfulness. It was like some hideous off-brand lemon-lime powdered drink from the Dollar Store with a few extra pounds of sugar thrown in to unsuccessfully camouflage the flavor of grain alcohol infused with laundry detergent. After two swallows my blood sugar was through the roof and I felt sick to my stomach. The other 23 ounces went down the drain. I’m scared that I’ll never erase the memory of that taste or that it somehow corrupted my palate.
It’s bilge water with no redeeming qualities. Forget waterboarding: give terror suspects a few cans of this fruity swill and they’ll confess to anything. If evil was a flavor it would be Four Loko.
UPDATE This just in from the Bar Pilot action news team.
Tags: Four Loko Product Testing Oregon Liquor Control Commission
Reposting this for those who missed it:
A friend of mine actually drank some Four Loko this evening. He described the taste as “Cold molten lava pee bubbles, wrapped in barbed wire, and poured over your brain until you scream for mercy.”
I’ll take your word for it.
“I want to drink on the job, but I need to be reasonably alert. Thank you, Four Loko!”
“It was like some hideous off-brand lemon-lime powdered drink from the Dollar Store with a few extra pounds of sugar thrown in to unsuccessfully camouflage the flavor of grain alcohol infused with laundry detergent.”
That’s one of the best descriptive sentences ever written.
Aren’t there a bunch of different flavors? maybe you just didn’t like the green. Try red! try purple!
@X: Yep, that’s about the size of it. I wouldn’t drink a can of it for less than $300.
You should have found a friend with an x-ray machine. To see if your insides glowed after taking those swigs. I bet you could have had a colonoscopy right there :-P
This stuff is getting pulled off shelves faster than it can cause a blackout. From today’s NYT:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/15/nyregion/15loko.html?
It seems like I read some where that there are strret gangs that actually initiate menbers by making them drink this crap. Me, I’d take the beat down.
Quote from Fatboy Roberts about the charms of Four Loko: “It tastes like fruit punch and gasoline as filtered through a colostomy bag.”
Just say no to 4Loko. I chased it with a whiskey coke to try to burn the taste out of my mouth.
I MADE A CARTOON THAT’S AN EASY TO USE GUIDE THAT UNVEILS THE REAL TRUTH ABOUT FOUR LOKO….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QobXa8kh-A
I shotgunned a full can of the purple.
Not my finest hour.