The Hole Truth
Dan & Louis’s subterranean secret
Posted by: John Chandler on Oct 07, 2009 at 09:00AM
11 Comments
While tarrying over a delightful seafood salad and a pint of Sinistor Black Ale (it’s from Bend’s 10 Barrel Brewing, and quite a marvel) at Dan and Louis’s Shucking Room yesterday, my friend Lucy pointed out a curious little cranny. It’s a hole in the floor that seems to descend through hewn stone deep into the bowels of the earth itself. The bar manager happened by and said, “That where we put people who don’t pay their checks.” Ha.
As a card-carrying conspiracy buff and longtime X-Files fan, I ain’t buying it. I call upon you, my drinking buddies, to proffer some theories. What is the purpose of this mysterious wormhole and where does it go?
Dungeon? Laundry chute? Wishing well? Let’s hear your ideas.
It’s where they put the oyster shells!
I call it “Satan’s Esophagus”, and it sorta creeps me out.
Simple…after a night of hard drinking by a collection of patrons who clearly don’t understand that their mother doesn’t work there, Dan and Louis simply pop open the hole and sweep in the refuse of the evening’s revelry. It ends up – where else? – in China.
I say that’s where they made their hooch during the prohibition days. Now, that story of other ill-repute activities… Well, Miss Candy only loved the ones with money, and I hear the seances were fixed to swindle cash out of unsuspecting cheats. Nobody ever found gold down there, but they might have found a few heirlooms traded for a wild Saturday night. We just don’t talk about those things today, because the Portland Rose Society prefers to keep their shenanigans under wraps to avoid tarnish on their gold medals. The only way you’re getting that kind of information is if you discover the secret handshake established in 1888, same year as the Portland Rose Society.
@canders, you got the wrong end of Satan’s alimentary canal.
I think I saw the Horta down there.
The Mines of Moria perhaps? Speak “friend” and enter.
Lair of the White Worm?
Surely you’ve been on the underground tour?
Yes, I’ve been on the underground tour. And stop calling me Shirley!
Maybe it was built-in for the convenience of the poor sucker who ends up with the {mpfh….} GREEN oyster. Hurl-pit!