BAR PILOT - December 2009

Ho-Ho-Hangover!

Where to tipple on Christmas

Posted by: John Chandler on Dec 23, 2009 at 09:00AM 6 Comments

If there was ever a holiday that required the drowning of sorrows, it’s this one. Being alone on Christmas day is right up there with prostate exams on the list of “life’s fun things,” so it’s good to know where the watering holes are located. Have a festive Maker’s and soda, commiserate with your fellow orphans, and maybe pick up a friend to unwrap under the tree. Remember, you’re never alone when the Bar Pilot’s on the job. Thanks to Barfly magazine and Dave Knows: Portland for the expert guidance.

Grand Central Bowl Dreaming of a White Russian Christmas? Here’s a perfect day. Bowl a couple of lines in your bathrobe, and then truck over to Clinton Street Theater for the 9 PM showing of The Big Lebowski.

House of Louie You could try to drink the whole day away, but pardner, I don’t recommend it. Fuel up on House of Louie’s incredibly indulgent BBQ pork omelet instead. Your lifespan will still be shortened, but at least you’ll be momentarily full and satisfied.

My Father’s Place One of my very favorite dives, with stiff drinks, friendly waitresses, and gravy-soaked breakfast served all day. Need some celebrity cred? It was a favorite haunt of both the late Elliott Smith and writer/rocker Willy Vlautin, who knows a thing or two about hanging out in bars.

Rialto Surprisingly good bar food (hot, hot, wings), plenty of pool tables, snuggly booths, and tons of big screens for the sports junkie.

Yamhill Pub One of Portland’s diviest dive bars, I spent a very enjoyable Christmas day there with relatives a few years back while waiting for a showtime for The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. Zero atmosphere, amiable dirt-bag clientele, scorching well drinks, and a swell place to be lost for an afternoon. Place a wager in the celebrity death pool located on the wall! Is Mickey Rooney still alive?

Add a Comment »

Tags: Holiday Events

Booze: The Greatest Gift

Potable presents part deux

Posted by: John Chandler on Dec 21, 2009 at 02:00PM 12 Comments

Santa, be a Scotsman tonight.

So, what terrors await thee ’neath the Christmas tree this year? Horrible, horrible clothes? Music from a relative who has no idea what you like? The dreaded “gag” gift? (A Chia Pet is funny once. Once!)

Next time you come around to my place, check out the basement. It’s piled floor to ceiling with useless crapola. It’s gotten to be such a prolific dumping site, that we can’t even find the washer and dryer. Now we’re forced to schlep our clothes to the laundromat where we’re at the mercy of cut purses, drug-addled babblers, escaped lunatics, three-card Monty sharps, and fundamentalist missionaries prepared to debate metaphysics till Doomsday.

The point is, I have too much crap. And approximately 94 percent of my detritus can be traced to uninspired Christmas gift-giving. It’s all there: George Foreman grills, macramé kits, bath robes, magnetic poetry, pogo sticks, bottles of malodorous cologne, snow globes, coffee mugs (I don’t drink coffee, thankyouverymuch), and at least a dozen jigsaw puzzles that have inexplicably ended up in the same box. Which is great if you’ve ever wanted to see the Great Pyramid of Giza located a little closer to the Alps.

Don’t pussyfoot around this year. Get the lush on your list a bottle of something memorable and affordable. For instance:

Aviation Gin Buy local! Aromatic, herbaceous, and shockingly drinkable (straight!) Aviation is a Dutch-style gin distilled right here in the Rose City. Even a gin and tonic, the most prosaic well drink of them all, becomes something altogether more bracing and complex.

Balvenie Single Malt Scoth Whiskey It’s hard to go wrong with a good single malt, but I can tell you that after my girlfriend got me a fifth of Balvenie for Christmas two years ago, I knew it was true love. Yes, a bottle of Balvenie 30-year can retail for upwards of $500, but let’s face it: We don’t love anybody that much. Stick to the 15-year, which is closer to $50. Sweet, smoky, and smooth as a James Bond pick-up line, it’s totally acceptable to crack open this bad boy whilst the rug rats run amok around the tree. Cheers!

Flor de Caña Rum This Nicaraguan spirit company has many superb varieties of rum, ranging from the top-shelf and spendy Centario Gold 18 Year, to the modestly priced 4 Year Gold, which is in the Sailor Jerry/Captain Morgan neighborhood cost-wise. Caramel and exotic spice notes are abundant.

Hardy’s “Whiskers Blake” Tawny Port On a budget this year? Welcome to the club. Fortunately, a bottle of “Whiskers Blake” from Australia will set you back a measly $12 or so. And for the money it’s a respectably rosy and robust after-dinner delight.

Wild Turkey American Honey A bottle goes for around $20, and it’s money well spent. A raft of cocktail pundits raved about American Honey served chilled and on the rocks, but I prefer this velvety honey liqueur (picture a more rustic version of Drambuie) as a crucial additive in a hot drink. A generous pour mixed with a mug of apple-cinnamon Theraflu became my most reliable restorative during an otherwise miserable bout with the flu this season.

Add a Comment »

Tags: Wine, Whiskey, Gin, Rum, Local Distilleries, Gift Giving

Potable Presents

Gifts for the guzzler

Posted by: John Chandler on Dec 17, 2009 at 10:00AM 6 Comments

I’m working on a comprehensive post about Christmas gift ideas for the beer and cocktail lover (like me!) on your list, but here’s a few to tide you over in the meantime.

Beer of the Month Club: This one’s a little spendy but there are different price plans available. Why not keep that special someone buzzed year-round?

Brandy Flask Smuggler Cane: Walking the dog just got a lot more rewarding. If Fido’s being extra good, give him a nip as well. Now you can attend art openings, lectures, and experimental film festivals with confidence, knowing sweet relief is at hand.

iBartender: For 99¢ you can create the illusion of being a knowledgeable mixologist, ready to whip up a Headless Horseman or a Brandy Alexander at the push of a button or two.

Fear not! There are more awesome gift options on the way. And by all means, feel free to send in your own ideas. What are you getting for the lush in your life?

Add a Comment »

Tags: Beer, Cocktails, Holiday Events, Gift Giving, Gifts

Of flus and booze

The consensus on drinking while sick?

Posted by: John Chandler on Dec 11, 2009 at 09:00AM 10 Comments

Alas dear drinking buddies, I have succumbed to the plague. I am unwell. Under the weather. Bit by the bug. Sick as the proverbial dog. The question is, should this unfortunate turn of the stomach stand in the way of my drinking regimen? Surely, spirits have their restorative powers. The Greeks and Romans distilled juniper berries (Hello! Gin!) for medicinal purposes. And everyone knows beer is rich in antioxidants. You might say, it’s good for what ales you. Har!

Since I’m home from work anyway, I may as well use my time to better mankind and devise the ideal alcohol-inspired antidote. I’ve heard rumors of a Thera-Flu cocktail, but my lone attempt at this healing elixir resulted in an extended stay in an oxygen tent. Who knew fortified wine, grain alcohol, Robitussin, and a half bottle of ibuprofen was a near-lethal combination? I didn’t see any warnings posted anywhere.

One hot drink that never fails to improve my spirits is Blueberry Tea. Simply brew up a cup of your favorite tea (preferably something mild flavored) and leave room for copious amounts of Grand Marnier and amaretto. Drink and repeat. It’s potent and delicious, and even if it doesn’t speed your recovery, it’s time well spent.

Sadly, my liquor cabinet is bereft of Grand Marnier at the moment, but is otherwise well stocked. So let’s hear some ideas. Help out the ol’ Bar Pilot with your own hot drink recipes that will restore me to vigorous good health. Bonus points if you come over to my house, pry open my mouth with a spoon, and pour the solution down my throat.

Add a Comment »

Tags: Cocktails

Bigger, Better, Beer

Seriously bold brews pour at Ale Fest

Posted by: John Chandler on Dec 08, 2009 at 11:00AM 5 Comments

The Tart Lychee from New Belgium blew my mind. (Below) Fred Eckhardt regales guests with ale anecdotes.

Thanks much to festival director Preston Weesner and super-sudsy publicist Chris Crabb for inviting me to a swell beer-tasting event at the Holiday Ale Festival last Friday. Weesner poured us some of his favorite winter beers and I have to give credit where credit is due. The man has exemplary taste. Thought I’d share a few notes scrawled out on my program to give you an idea of the outrageous ales on tap at the fest.

1. Barrel-Aged Old Baba Yaga is an incredibly flavorful and complex imperial stout from Bear Republic Brewing in Cloverdale, California. This may well be the best stout I’ve ever stumbled across, and certainly the most delicately balanced. The first sip detonates on the palate with traces of caramel, cherries, coffee, and smoky chocolate. It’s like the Black Forrest cake of stouts. Must have more.

2. Jim 2009, a blended barrel-aged old ale, is the result of a tag-team effort between Weesner and our own Hair of the Dog brew guru Alan Sprints. In memory of their mutual friend Jim Kennedy, the two mixed and matched several beers including an English brown ale, and a German bock, with some of HotD’s greatest hits including Doggie Claws, Fred from the Wood, and Blue Dot IPA. Considering the 10 percent alcohol content, it was surprisingly mellow and creamy.

3. The Tart Lychee from New Belgium Brewing in Fort Collins, Colorado, is a tangy sour beer, a type of ale that Weesner believes is going to have a rapidly expanding fanbase, as it provides a welcome contrast to the uber-hops movement. Fruity, refreshing, and tart, with a crackling dry finish, this is sheer excitement in a glass. Is that hyperbole? Yeah, probably. But if this is a taste of brews to come, then bring on the sour!

We were also honored with an appearance from Portland’s resident rock star of the beer set, the ageless wonder Fred Eckhardt, probably the most illustrious local we have in terms of jump-starting our craft beer juggernaut. Among countless other honors, he’s even got a beer named after him, Hair of the Dog’s Fred, and a more luxurious and puissant strong ale you’ll be hard-pressed to find.

There were other noble ales that found a temporary home in my mug and there wasn’t a dud in the bunch. Gads, I love beer! Thanks to all and see you next year!

Add a Comment »

Tags: Beer, Beer Festivals, Holiday Events, Craft Beers

Civil War Watering Holes

Sweet deals for the big game

Posted by: John Chandler on Dec 03, 2009 at 11:00AM 4 Comments

Yeah, but what’s to eat?

Ah, what invigorates the soul more than a crucial college football donnybrook taking place on a crisp fall evening? Well, lots of things, but the Civil War match-up between Oregon and Oregon State is still a pretty big deal. As a reasonably proud University of Oregon grad (Please, please, please, stop asking me for money!), I’m hoping for three things: a Duck victory; a brilliantly executed game in which both sides acquit themselves with pride and valor; and an amiable drinking establishment to watch the game. Of course, if the bar is offering some awesome Civil War game deals, so much the better.

My buddy Kyle Ritter over at Barfly magazine has done some admirable legwork on the subject, so naturally I studied his findings in great detail before selecting a trio of likely watering holes.

1. Buffalo Gap (6835 SW Macadam Ave): The home of the Badlands Chili Burger (a formidable meal fit for a regiment) will not only have the game on with drink specials aplenty, but staffers will be distributing free raffle tickets. In addition to an array of schwag, a 42" plasma-screen TV will be raffled off in the fourth quarter. Anything’s better than my crummy 13" black and white with the bent coat hanger antenna.

2. 50 Plates (333 NW 13th Ave): Yes, it’s a posh Pearl District pit stop, but when you have some of the best happy hour chow in town you’ll have no trouble drawing a crowd. Happy hour prices will be available during the game, and that means chicken-and-waffle sliders for $2.50. That’s chicken-and-waffle sliders, a.k.a., nature’s perfect food. There’s also $6 fancy cocktails for the pretentious pigskin partisan.

3. Gil’s Speakeasy (609 1/2 SE Taylor St): True, I’ve spent time in recreational vehicles that are more spacious than this chummy little dive, but bartender Brett informs me that for the Civil War fracas they’ll be putting out a complimentary buffet of Swedish meatballs, subs, mashed ’taters, and salad.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be at the Speakeasy. Bar Pilot out.

Add a Comment »

Tags: Sports