THE BACK ROW - March 2009

Gone for Good?

(it’s a Shins song title. get it? huh?)

Posted by: Bart Blasengame on Mar 25, 2009 at 10:36AM 2 Comments

Pretty big news from the local music world today. The Shins, Portland’s adopted pop-rock heroes, have left the label that helped make them famous, Seattle’s Sub Pop.
Well, actually, maybe “left” is a strong word. Their contract with Sub Pop was up, meaning that they could release their next record (which they’re currently recording) with anybody. It’s just that most of us assumed they’d stay with Sub Pop.

It’s anybody’s guess as to where the Shins will land. With massive bands like Radiohead and Pearl Jam putting out new music online or on their own imprints, and smaller bands like Grizzly Bear enjoying success on tinier labels like Warp, it’s not a sure thing that they’ll immediately jump to a major. But if they do, they’ll be only the second Portland band to currently be holding a major label deal. The move certainly paid off for The Decemberists whose second album for Capitol, The Hazards of Love, debuted this week at number fourteen on the charts.

And oh yeah…the Shins are playing two nights at the Crystal on May sixth and seventh.

On to the weekend:

FRIDAY
We’ll admit that dance isn’t the kind of thing that gets our heart to pumping. In fact, the last time we attended such a performance was back in New York City when a show by Alvin Ailey somehow devolved into a sort of Chippendale’s striptease with more full-frontal than is usually legally allowed. But mention Tom Waits and we’re in.

Body Vox’s artistic directors Jamey Hampton and Ashley Roland draw inspiration from the ballads of Waits and enlist the choreographic contributions of company members Eric Skinner, Daniel Kirk, Lane Hunter and Matt Hope in their new show, The Foot Opera Files. Featuring BodyVox’s signature blend of bodies, theatre, dance, and humor, “Foot Opera Files” will be accompanied live by the talented Portland Opera Studio Artists. More importantly, everybody will keep their clothes on.
[Bodyvox/7:30 p.m./$30-46]

SATURDAY
Since arriving from Alabama in 2003, husband-and-wife duo Kevin and Anita Robinson (aka, Viva Voce), have shown an uncanny ability to craft first-rate dreamy pop, but also a much-needed sense of non-ironic optimism that makes songs such as “Alive With Pleasure” and “Wrecking Ball” so thoroughly satisfying. The band’s new album, Rose City (our in May), sounds like it could be a love letter to their adopted home town. In concert Viva Voce has expanded to a quartet, adding singer and guitarist Corrina Repp (Tu Fawning) and multi-instrumentalist Evan Railton (Blue Giant, Swords Project) to fill out it’s swooning sound.
[Aladdin Theater/9 p.m./$10]

SUNDAY
You know what? I give up. Wicked. It’s everywhere. Sides of buses. Buildings. Advertisements. In my dreams. I feel like I’m the only one who hasn’t seen it. I surrender, you green, pointed-hatted harlot…I’ll be there.
[Keller Auditorium/1 p.m./$41-78]

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Death to the Decemberists…

sort of.

Posted by: Bart Blasengame on Mar 24, 2009 at 11:04AM 0 Comments

The Decemberists’ latest album, “The Hazards of Love,” is out today and if you haven’t heard already…it’s rather excellent. In fact we’d say it’s probably the best folk-prog-metal album about doomed love and dead children, well, ever. Buy it now and revel in the fact that these guys are doing Portland proud.
No video yet, but here’s the first single from the record, “The Rake’s Song.” Yep…it’s about infanticide. SO metal!

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You down with CRBP?

Death-defying boat on ship action, helicopter hijinx, run-ins with international vessels…

Posted by: Bart Blasengame on Mar 24, 2009 at 10:58AM 2 Comments

Sorry for the delay. Much reporting and adventuring in Astoria last week in preparation for an upcoming feature for the May issue of the magazine. It’s going to be about the Columbia River Bar Pilots…the brave sea captains in charge of boarding and guiding the massive transit ships through one of the most dangerous crossings in the world. Not only do they risk their lives on a daily basis, but they’re basically in charge of keeping Oregon’s most famous port (and therefore our economy) cranking along. Get ready for death-defying boat on ship action, helicopter hijinx, run-ins with international vessels, and the back story of how one reporter in an emasculating white Prius was able to fit in with a bunch of salty bad asses.

Much more to come, but in the meantime, here’s a primer on the CRBP.

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Smiles, everyone. Smiles!

Posted by: Bart Blasengame on Mar 13, 2009 at 09:50AM 2 Comments

Ricky Gervais makes a visit to Sesame Street…computer screens across the country and dotted with laugh-snot.

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Soccer? Really? Ugh.

Posted by: Bart Blasengame on Mar 12, 2009 at 10:29AM 0 Comments

I spent yesterday in lovely Astoria doing a little research for an upcoming feature in the magazine. Lovely town. Even lovelier day. Bright sun, salt in the air, and the wheezy barking of sea lions. Can’t wait to head back next week.

Needless to say, spending all day on the beach and in the car meant I didn’t catch yesterday’s big news: Portland is getting a soccer team. To which I say … So? I know, I know, I’m an insensitive cro-mag who just doesn’t understand the intricacies of “the beautiful game.” I don’t care. And while I usually eschew things that are typically (sometimes grotesquely) American (Super-sized fast food, American Idol, reality television, Paul Blart)… when it comes to sports I am red-blooded and base. I want violence, speed, carnage, chests painted in bright colors, gut-punching dunks, pile-driving touchdowns, and the loud, proud, post-score celebration, after which we thank the almighty for allowing our team to win since he obviously has no better things to do than watch TV.

Soccer? I know it’s popular in the rest of the world, but then, so is not wearing deodorant. To me it’s just a bunch of skinny dudes faking injuries and running around pointlessly for 90 minutes. It’s kiss-chase with a black and white ball. Rattle my cage when soccer starts settling its tie games with knife fights.

On to the weekend…

FRIDAY
Our pal John Chandler got us all caught up on the St. Patrick’s Day festivities. But what if you feel like getting drunk and destructive, but you have no Irish blood in you? It’s a conundrum that’s easily solved by Austin skull-rattlers And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead…

Not only do they have the best band name ever, but AYWKUBTTOD are also one of the most subversively catchy rock bands around. Sure they are anthemic and powerful, like their name would suggest, but throughout their career they’ve never forgotten about writing good solid hooks. And then there’s the live show. In their early days AYWKUBTTOD were known for smashing their instruments near the end of nearly every concert (sometimes using each other as targets). Not sure if that’s still the case…but if not, this being St. Pat’s and all, why not get drunk and start your own riot? [Berbati’s Pan/8:30 p.m./$15]

SATURDAY
Of course, St. Patrick’s Day doesn’t have to be ALL about drinking. Mary McDonald-Lewis and Readers Theatre Rep pay tribute to the Emerald Isle and to Dublin theatrical troupe, Bewley’s Café Theatre. RTR will be staging a pair of shows that originated with Bewley’s, “Fred and Jane” and “So Long Sleeping Beauty.” [Blackfish Gallery/8 p.m./$8]

SUNDAY
Cheating on your spouse is a scumbag’s occupation. But when you pair the carousing up with classical music, it suddenly becomes charming. And quaint. Live vicariously with the Portland Opera as they present La Calisto, Francesco Cavalli’s stimulating brew of humor and mistaken identity based on the myth of Callisto from Ovid’s Metamorphoses. Jove (one of the randiest deities in all mythology) is infatuated with the young Calisto, but she’s sworn to follow the goddess Diana and a life of chastity. Needless to say, Jove’s wife Juno is none too pleased with the lengths her husband will go to in order to woo the comely lass. [Newmark Theatre/2 p.m./$25-75]

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One more reason to hate L.A.

Posted by: Bart Blasengame on Mar 10, 2009 at 10:35AM 5 Comments

A friend asked me yesterday afternoon if I was going to last night’s Blazers-Lakers game. No, I said. But I would be watching at home, jabbing needles into the groin of my Kobe Bryant voodoo doll. Ya know, maybe sideline him with VD or something?

Turns out I was stabbing the wrong genitalia.

The Blazers won last night in one of their most impressive wins of the season, blowing out the hated Hell-A Lakers 111-94. It was the Lakers biggest loss of the season. But all anybody who watched the game remembers is the flying body block that L.A.’s Trevor Ariza put on Rudy Fernandez in the third quarter—a hard, unnecessary foul that landed our beloved Spaniard on a stretcher and earned him a night in the hospital.

It was Ariza’s privates I should’ve been gouging.

Quick flashback: With seconds left in the third quarter Rudy is on a fast break surging basically uncontested to the basket when out of nowhere Ariza comes in and swats violently at the forearms of an airborne Fernandez. The momentum of the blow twists the gangly forward just enough to where he can’t get his feet under him. He crashes to the floor awkwardly, rib cage and right armpit first. Chaos ensued. And in living rooms across this city, the rivalry with the Lakers was reignited in a white-hot stream of choice cuss words. (My bus driver was STILL ticked about it this morning.)

Was the hit dirty? I’m not sure. And watching it again today I feel like, honestly, Rudy’s penchant for selling fouls (a trait all the new school European players share…I blame soccer) may have actually made things worse. But the fact of the matter is that at this point the Lakers are down by 28 points and Ariza has been playing like dog…he was pissed and he was looking to take it out on our guy. So he did.

Ariza was tossed and the NBA is reviewing the play to see if he’ll be suspended. As for Rudy, x-rays and a CT scan were negative and he’s listed as questionable for Wednesday’s game against the Mavericks. With the Western Conference a free-for-all knife fight in positions three through eight, this is not what the Blazers need.

But lost in the horrifying sight of Rudy being carried off in a neck brace was this: Portland fans finally got a chance to see what happens when the Blazers get angry. This is a team of nice, mild-mannered dudes, but if they’re ever going to evolve into something resembling an NBA championship team they need to hone their nasty side (don’t believe me, watch last year’s NBA Finals). And last night, our boys got pissed off. As soon as Rudy hit the floor, Brandon Roy got up in Ariza’s face. And since the play happened near the Lakers’ end of the court, both he and Nosfertu waded into the L.A. bench unafraid, basically having to be dragged away by their teammates.

Basketball isn’t like baseball, where retribution comes in the form of fastballs to the hip, so I don’t expect to see Shavlik Randolph leaving the bench to go Tonya Harding on Kobe. But the rest of the league learned last night that this Blazers team has a little fire in its belly. And that it’s totally capable of destroying the supposed best team in the West.

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Corin Tucker returns

Posted by: Bart Blasengame on Mar 05, 2009 at 09:42AM 1 Comments

Three words is all you need to describe the chewy goodness in store for you tonight:

Corin. Tucker. Solo.

Yep, the former Sleater-Kinney frontwoman is apparently dusting off her old guitar tonight to play at the benefit for the equally awesome Reading Frenzy bookstore. Tucker’s public appearances have been rare since S-K went on hiatus a couple of years ago so this is special. Who knows what could happen? Also taking the stage this evening are Tu Fawning, the Golden Bears, Mirah, and Explode into Colors. There will also be an appearance by writer-rocker Willy Vlautin. It’s all going down at Holocene at 8:30 p.m. Tickets range from $8-20.

Maybe Tucker and a “special guest” will play THIS song:

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Segway? No way

Posted by: Bart Blasengame on Mar 04, 2009 at 10:40AM 7 Comments

Inspiration comes in all shapes, sounds, and sizes. Sometimes it is a majestic red-tail hawk swooping down right before your eyes to snatch up its breakfast. Other times it’s a goth-couple with a billboard-size boom box skulking down Oak Street, or a random celebrity sighting at your favorite coffee shop.

And sometimes it’s an emasculated cop humming past you on a Segway.

You’ve seen these guys, right? Downtown mostly. All decked out in yellow, speeding past on their “vehicles,” which look like pogo-sticks on wheels. They even have little “fanny packs” on their handle bars for, I dunno, their jacks and sidewalk chalk. No matter how crappy my day is, when I see a Segway cop I immediately perk up. At least, I think to myself, I’m not that guy.

What’s I’m trying to say is that cops are supposed to be figures of authority. In extreme circumstances they are supposed to be, at the very least, mildly threatening. Zipping past me on the sidewalk looking like a Chiquita banana on skates doesn’t exactly make me want to obey the law. In fact, it makes me want to break something.

I understand that patrolling the city is hard on the dogs. So I get that a mode of transport might be useful. Bikes? Fine. We are Bike Town, USA. Horses? Even better. And great for crushing skulls. But a Segway? Seriously? “Stop…or I’ll be forced to get off my ridiculous futuristic steed and chase you down! Aw, screw it.” I’m pretty sure I can outrun you.

Cops get a bad rap for being fat and out of shape and unhealthily obsessed with sugar-glazed pastries. This is not fair. But when you’re scooting around on your Big Wheel instead of, you know, ACTUALLY USING YOUR LEGS, you’re only hammering home the myth that the police are a bunch of portly Chief Wiggums.

As an aside, here’s my own personal Segway story (I mean, who doesn’t have one, right?).
I’m in Los Angeles reporting a story for another magazine. But I hate L.A. so I always stay in Santa Monica. I’m walking from my hotel and across the beach to grab something to eat when I see a homeless man on a side street taking a whiz on the wheel well of a BMW. That in itself was an amazing sight to behold. As I got closer he signaled with his free hand to something laying beside him. It was a Segway (stolen I would assume) thrown over on its side. “You want a Segway my man? I’ll give you a good price.” Of course he would. I mean, what’s the demand for black market Segways, right? As the urine pooled around the handlebars I smiled, said “thanks, but no thanks,” and wandered off, my sides jiggling like jelly.

On to the weekend…

FRIDAY
Spoon shows have become sort of a semi-regular occurrence since lead singer Britt Daniel moved to Portland. This is great news for us; Spoon is one of the most consistently awesome rock bands around and Daniel one of the best songwriters. But with no new album to promote and the summer festival season not yet upon us, the timing for another gig is odd. Until you realize that the word on the street is that the band is currently convened in Portland to start tinkering around with songs for a new album. Which means this unexpected Spoon show might offer up some fresh tunes. Hell, even if they don’t, just hearing “Jonathan Fisk” is worth the price of admission. [9 p.m./$19-22/Crystal Ballroom]

SATURDAY
The stage adaptation of Dan Gutman’s book, Honus & Me: A Baseball Card Adventure, focuses on a hard-luck twelve-year-old who stumbles upon the rarest baseball card of all: Honus Wagner. Not only is the card valuable enough to pay for a college education, but it’s also possessed of magical properties that make time travel possible. Considering the current sordid state of our national pastime, a little magic is certainly in order. [2 and 5 p.m./$16-24/Dolores Winningstad Theatre]

SUNDAY
Notice how I haven’t yet mentioned the new Watchmen movie? There’s a reason. Geeks in their tight Silk Spectre t-shirt will be crowding local cinemas to catch this long-in-development nerdgasm (myself included). But most will try their damnedest to be in the earlier shows, so they can go blog and bitch about it on the “Ain’t It Cool” movie site. Smart comic book geeks like you and I will wait until Sunday when the crowds will have likely subsided, at least a tad. That way we can don our tights in relative privacy. [Various movie theaters]

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“How’s Your News” takes Portland

Posted by: Bart Blasengame on Mar 03, 2009 at 10:33AM 0 Comments

With all apologies to “Lost” and “Intervention,” I have found a new favorite television show. And you’re not going to believe this, but it’s on MTV. I know, right? Who knew?

But against all odds, 15 years after the culture mavens turned into a black hole of suck, MTV has redeemed itself with a show called “How’s Your News?” I’m pretty sure it’s like nothing you’ve seen before. The subjects are a news team made up of disabled men and women of various ages who travel the country soaking up odd slices of culture…music festivals, red carpet events, freaky California enclaves, and hitch hikers like John Stamos. It’s like a cross between the in-the-field segments on “The Daily Show” and a Michael Moore film.

Besides being bankrolled by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the godlike geniuses behind “South Park”, “How’s Your News?” is unique in their approach to the news crew. Instead of pandering to them or treating them like freaks, the show treats them with respect, allowing them be themselves as they encounter a world that is often outside of their comfort zone. In fact, the comedy usually comes from how “normal” people interact with the “How’s Your News” crew. Celebrities, especially, just aren’t equipped to handle being interviewed by someone so far outside the box.

I’ll let my dear friend Megan offer up a little background and justify why it’s being written about in this space:

“The idea first began over ten years ago at a summer camp for adults with disabilities in Massachusetts. They were working in video class and searching for a format which could include as many people, with as wide an array of disabilities, as possible. So they started making their own news shows. Two documentaries later (including a must see take on the 2004 presidential conventions) they have been picked up by MTV for six episodes and are mixing it up with Sarah Silverman, John Stamos, Amy Sedaris, taking on Mardis Gras and Senior Proms, and doing so much more.

This is wo/man-on-the-street reporting like you have never seen before. The reporters say what you wish you could, keep their interviewees honest and simply take ever situation by storm. AND there is a Portland connection – director Arthur Bradford lives here!!"

If you’ve all but given up on MTV giving us anything but faux-reality shows about faux-celebutards with faux-chests, then perhaps you haven’t yet caught up with “How’s Your News?” Here’s your chance: There is a free screening at the Hollywood Theatre this Thursday at 7 p.m.

In the words of “How’s Your Newser” Bobby Bird: “Ma Yoya Booey Baba.”

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Sleepwalking Dog

Posted by: Bart Blasengame on Mar 02, 2009 at 10:52AM 0 Comments

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