Like many of you, I love to play home bartender—but there’s no point in busting out the top-shelf liquor for every annoying rummy who happens to drop by unannounced. It’s simply not cost effective, and, let’s face it, most of these yokels wouldn’t know the difference between Woodford’s Reserve and a shot of paint thinner. A storage ottoman is the perfect way to keep the premium spirits away from the grubby mitts of frequent freeloaders. For them, I recommend prominently displaying a bottle of Old Crow or Monarch in plain sight. Save the Jameson’s for the folks who matter. Warning: Don’t move the ottoman around too much or the clinking of glass will give you away. Discretion above all else.
This is the first in an ongoing series of Christmas gift ideas for the imbiber on your list. From costly to cut-rate, we’ll try to find a budget for every bank account. Any gifts that are not met with an immediate display of genuine enthusiasm can be dropped off at the Portland Monthly offices. Be sure to include the receipt.