loko2

Nice color. Time to fuel up the jet?

An addendum to my previous post on Four Loko.

Christie Scott, a public affairs specialist for the OLCC was nice enough to call me back with a status report. The commission is currently reviewing the possible removal of alcoholic energy drinks from stores in Oregon. They’re also consulting with the attorney general’s office about whether or not these drinks are in violation of existing laws.

I sincerely hope that the OLCC’s evidence gathering does not include a taste test. On Saturday night, I cowboyed up and took two swigs of my recently purchased can of Lemon Lime Four Loko. I figured it was going to be disgusting, but I wasn’t prepared for the unfathomable depths of vile awfulness. It was like some hideous off-brand lemon-lime powdered drink from the Dollar Store with a few extra pounds of sugar thrown in to unsuccessfully camouflage the flavor of grain alcohol infused with laundry detergent. After two swallows my blood sugar was through the roof and I felt sick to my stomach. The other 23 ounces went down the drain. I’m scared that I’ll never erase the memory of that taste or that it somehow corrupted my palate.

It’s bilge water with no redeeming qualities. Forget waterboarding: give terror suspects a few cans of this fruity swill and they’ll confess to anything. If evil was a flavor it would be Four Loko.

UPDATE This just in from the Bar Pilot action news team.