This here's Toby Keith. We suggest you get acquainted.

Listen up, you artsy fartsy stuffed shirts. We got big changes happening right here at the Culturephile blog, and we don't want to hear any whining! Starting right-goddamn-now, we're only reporting about stuff that matters to real folks—and that would be country music. And we're not talking about that cool-because-it's-vintage stuff, neither. Johnny Cash, Dolly Parton, and Willie Nelson all wrote some good songs at one time or another, but we can't be concerned with ancient history here. We've got our eyes peeled for real legitimate artists, like your Toby Keiths, your Shania Twains, your Keith Urbans, your Carrie Underwoods, your Brad Paisleys, and what-not. 

Speaking of Mr. Paisley and Mr. Keith, these two good-looking studs will be headlining the Watershed Festival in the Gorge Aug 2–4, and that's some real good news. Frankly, we're a little sick and tired of all these Mary Jane-smoking hippy freaks in their Pukenstocks and Cat in the Hat headgear getting all the nice camping spots at outdoor concerts. This is a festival we can support in good conscience—and so should you. 

Mr. Paisley, Ms. Underwood, and one-time Hootie and the Blowfish singer Darius Rucker (who has learned the error of his ways and now performs only good music—while simultaneously increasing the diversity of the country pantheon by about 100 percent, not that we care) will be among the featured attractions at the annual Willamette Valley Country Music Festival in Brownsville Aug 16–18. Hell yes, we'll be tail-gating for tickets! And any of you pencil-necks try to jump our place in line and you'll receive a complimentary plate of whoop-ass for your trouble. Deal with it.

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