ELLIS McCOY We would love to sit down with the city’s just-retired “parking czar”—not just because the term “parking czar” is hilarious. The FBI is investigating McCoy for alleged bribes from the company that makes Portland’s “smart” meters. Ellis, couldn’t a bribe have bought us some fast meters?

PAMELA SALANT Set How to Stay Alive in the Woods next to Salant’s plate. The Portlander argued with her man during a Hood camping trip. When they split up to cool off, Salant fell off a cliff, and survived for three days on bugs. Cheers to your fighting spirit. No need to bring an appetizer.

CHRIS POOLE-JONES The heartiest toast should go to Poole-Jones, whose Delta Sigma Theta sorority rehabbed a North Portland gas station into a new community center—and the first African American–owned project to pursue “living building” status for net-zero energy use. Chris, we got you a selection of sustainable ciders.

CRAIG FLORENCE “Man opens new bookstore” could be the new “man bites dog.” Let us all recite poetic odes to Craig for launching a sweet little shop on SE Morrison Street. Mother Foucault’s mostly stocks literary fiction and philosophy. We’d buy Craig dinner even if he sold only Grisham.

JERI WILLIAMS Steve Novick can hook us open a beer any day, but his race for City Council shouldn’t be a coronation. So we welcome Williams, Novick’s first challenger, to the table. The city outreach worker offers an unusual political résumé: recovered addict, reformed felon, union organizer. Jeri, we don’t know if you can win, but we bet you’ve got interesting table talk.

THE STOLEN GOAT Our Google alert for “raw police goat footage” finally paid off when a local news crew captured Portland’s finest retrieving a beast heisted from a Southeast field. Details were scanty; we’ll see what we can get out of this guest while s/he hangs in the yard.