1. The LA Lakers

Loathing these Los Angeles starlets is practically a national pastime. Reasons are innumerable: smug Kobe, Jack Nicholson’s courtside leering, those hideous uniforms—not to mention their habit of gutting the Blazers at the worst times (2000 Western Conference finals, anyone?). The Blazers square off with these ancient foes on October 31 and December 28.    TRENDING

 


 2. The curse

The Blazers’ cruelest opponent may be the mysterious dark force that cuts short the careers of our brightest stars with injuries, from Bill Walton and Sam Bowie to Greg Oden (above) and Brandon Roy. After he was traded in March, Marcus Camby claimed the curse was real. TRENDING ↑

 

 

  

3. rick fox

Smarmy Rick Fox personifies everything evil about the Lakers. Starting in 2000, he helped them beat out the Blazers in the playoffs (our last true chance at a championship run), won three successive NBA titles, married and divorced Vanessa Williams, and retired to become a TV actor. TRENDING ↓

 

 

 

 

 4. karl malone’s elbows

In the late 1990s, division rivals Utah Jazz were notorious for their aggressive play—especially Karl “The Mailman” Malone, whose elbows are forever imprinted on the memories (and faces) of many a Blazer. During the feisty 1999 playoffs, Malone elbowed Blazer Brian Grant in the eye. (The Blazers also lost the series.) TRENDING —

 

5. michael jordan

Everyone knows the Blazers passed on this soon-to-be legend in the 1984 draft, choosing the injury-prone Sam Bowie instead. To add insult to injury, Jordan and the Chicago Bulls thrashed the Blazers in the gutwrenching 1992 NBA Finals—the closest Rip City would ever get to repeating its 1977 championship. TRENDING ↓

 



 

6. every undrafted superstar

Portland’s draft day bungling is the stuff of legend: Bob McAdoo, Julius Erving, Charles Barkley (above), Chris Paul, Kevin Durant, Kenneth Faried—each one a living, jumping, human reminder of what could have been. Indeed, with their 1972 draft of dud LaRue Martin, the Blazers hold the unofficial title for Worst Draft Pick in NBA History. TRENDING ↑

 



7. lebron james 
In 2010, King James notoriously turned his back on his hometown Cleveland team to join its rivals in Miami, instantly becoming the most hated player in the NBA. But coming off an Olympic gold medal and his first NBA title, it’s doubtful that he cares. The defending champs come to Portland on January 10. TRENDING ↓

       

 

 

 8. seattle supersonics  

Portland’s nefarious I-5 rivals are no more. But with rumors swirling of the NBA making a return to Seattle—and with soccer’s Timbers and Sounders stoking the flames in the meantime—look for a rivalry revival. TRENDING ↑

 




unranked  
Kobe Bryant, Robert Horry, Luis Scola’s hair, Hedo Turkoglu’s wife, $9 beers at the Rose Garden