1. PICK A TEAM AT RANDOM.
Sure, Americans: support Team USA. But trust us, you need backup. Italian uncle? Vacationed in Japan? Think Lionel Messi is cute? Frivolous attachments mean less crushing disappointment.
2. GET UP EARLY.
Portugal vs. Germany kicks off at 9 am! Ice a few spreadsheets or PowerPoint decks before breakfast. It will be worth the lost sleep, trust us.
3. GO ON VACATION.
An underrated World Cup strategy: head for a city that’s not your own. In 2006, I meandered into a half-dozen odd and delightful Chicago soccer bars. In NYC, whole neighborhoods turn into block parties. Brazil? It’ll probably be a mess on the ground.
4. SKIP OUT.
One study shows that 60 percent of humanity watches the World Cup. Most of those people skip work. (You have four weeks to enjoy this World Cup, and four long years to regain your boss’s trust.) Recommended: “I’m just going to plow through a few things from home. In by noon.”
5. USE YOUR HEAD.
Never let anyone tag you on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. Schedule your e-mail client to send out productive-seeming messages over the course of the day. (It doesn’t matter what they say.) Delegate random tasks via e-mail throughout the day—nothing gets other people off your back like telling others what to do.
6. ABOVE ALL, PACE YOURSELF.
During the first two weeks, many days feature four matches. Four. You can’t drink the whole time. Mimosas and espresso during the 9 am session; restorative smoothies at 1 p.m.; no more than two beers per half thereafter. You’ll make it.