The season premiere of “Lost” is next week. Wednesday to be exact. (To be even more exact you’d have to reference the to-the-millisecond countdown clock running down the digits in my house. Yes, the one with Sawyer’s arms and legs pointing out the time) The agony of the wait is killing me, so while you all are out frolicking in the mild winter weather or sharing drinks and meals with friends, I will be sleeping in my suspended animation hibernation chamber for the next week. Please…Do not disturb until next Wednesday at 9 p.m.

Until then…have fun out there.

FRIDAY
Sometimes when I’m sitting around the house, staring at my three dogs as they stare right back at me, tongues out, tails wagging, I get a little freaked out. Like, what if these guys, by way of the usual methods (radiated dog food, meteor strike, devious medical testing), somehow started thinking. What if they became evil, blood-thirsty beasts who were more interested in taking over the world than licking their own genitalia? And what if this happened to all the dogs in the city? I mean, we’re outnumbered probably 3-to-1. It wouldn’t take much for them to run us out of town and have us sniffing at the backside of out new four-legged overlords.

Of course, maybe I just really need to get a hobby.

Anyway, the Rose City Classic Dog Show starts tonight at the Expo Center. That means four thousand canines representing more than 150 breeds will be unleashed for five days of intense competition.

As long as they’re more interested in fetching Frisbees and chewing on their paws, we should be safe.

For now.

SATURDAY
I’m sure Rasta Thomas is an amazing dancer and artistic director. He’s a veteran of prestigious groups like Russia’s Kirov Ballet and was a member of the Dance Theater of Harlem. And besides, if I tried any of his moves my pelvis would probably fly into the mezzanine and put out a small child’s eye. But seriously, did nobody stop and tell him that perhaps titling his traveling dance troupe the, ahem, Bad Boys of Dance might sort of give off the wrong message (or, at the very least, make patrons think of a bad reality television show)? Instead of thinking of dudes fearlessly throwing their bodies though ballet, hip-hop, tango, and jazz, all I can think about is this:

So just to clarify: the Bad Boys of Dance are high culture, not a ladies night treat. For real…keep those dollar bills in your purse. (Saturday, 7:30 p.m. at the Newmark Theatre. Tickets range from $20-55)

SUNDAY
It’s pretty simple really. The annual Reel Music Festival is showing a documentary called Johnny Cash’s America at the Whitsell Auditorium. The press materials say that “Directors Morgan Neville and Robert Gordon tie together Cash’s politics, beliefs, influence and patriotism to explore how personal and political events shaped him and his music. Rich with vintage clips from all phases of his career, the film provides a view of our country that is particularly relevant today, on the eve of a historic political transition.”

Eh. Whatever. You had us at Cash.