Perfect Party 2012
The make-believe bash that brings together Portland’s biggest 2012 newsmakers
1. SAM ADAMS & RANDY LEONARD City council’s exiting alpha dudes can scrub away the taste of public service with the last of their many controversial gifts to the city: another try at fluoridating our water. Cheers! Here’s to your boldly mixed legacies.
2. TOOTIE SMITH We’d love to party Gangnam style with this Clackamas firebrand, whose Glock-auctioning campaign fundraiser for a county seat epitomized exurban rebellion against Portland-style politics.
3. STEVE NOVICK The longtime activist/candidate/character gets to rock out after finally winning elected office. Steve, just remember: it’s only city council.
4. CHARLIE HALES Our mayor-elect survived a bruising campaign. Can Choo Choo Charlie pilot the city to success? Mr. Hales, you’ve got the wheel, but can you think beyond the rails?
5. JEFFERSON SMITH The vanquished mayoral candidate discovered local politics isn’t an amateur (let alone noncontact) sport. Jefferson, forgive us if we check your fare.
6. CHERYL STRAYED The local author’s backcountry memoir Wild sold millions. Cheryl, if Reese Witherspoon really plays you in the movie, she may get your seat in the future. But for now, enjoy!
7. Matt Lightner & Andy Ricker The foraging chef and a budding Thai-food tycoon spearheaded the Portland culinary scene’s New York invasion. Boys, don’t forget the town that launched you.
8. MARK PARKER & LONGSHOREMEN The Nike CEO pulled down $35 million, beating all other CEOs of Oregon public companies. Dockworkers snarled the port over a job-duty dispute. It’s time for a winner-buys-bar-tab biathalon: arm wrestle first, free throws second.
9. NATE MCMILLAN & JOHN SPENCER Two big-league franchises, two once-promising coaches; both fired. Nate and John, we only hope your party chatter is more exciting than your offensive strategies.
10. JOURNEY THE WOLF His solo mission from Oregon to California cheered environmentalists and freaked out ranchers. Brother Wolf, share the spirit of the wild with us as we make our way to the next cocktail bar.
11. ELLEN ROSENBLUM Oregon’s new attorney general floated into office on a cloud of medical-marijuana cash. Ellen ... damn. Forgot. Can you pass the chips?
12. The East-side Streetcar After three years of construction, our latest trolley deserves to toot its horn.